I was running with all my might. Despite being breathless and tired, I could not give up. Everyone was watching me, and I had to finish what I had started. I wanted to look around and see how the others were doing, but that could slow me down. Instead, I kept going as fast as it was physically possible for me to go. As I finally reached the next runner, and handed her the thin wooden stick being used as a baton, I almost collapsed with relief at having made it. She took the stick without much reaction, and off she went, continuing the relay race. My eyes were following her as I cheered her to run faster, when I realized that she was far behind the other teams, and we were definitely going to lose. Because of me. We were ahead when the baton was handed over to me. I had slowed down our team, despite my best efforts. And there is little else that weighs down a ten year old than being the person solely responsible for his or her team’s loss at the school’s annual sports event.
That’s my earliest memory of ever participating in a race. After this experience, and a couple of others, I simply pegged myself as a non-athletic person. I was too thin, too low on energy, too weak. And I definitely could not run or be good at outdoor sports. So, throughout the rest of school, I spent the sports period talking to my friends, promptly felt faint during Physical Training (PT) sessions, and participated primarily in carrom competitions during the annual sports meets that followed. On a dare, I did volunteer to participate in a tug-of-war when I was in high school (and believe it or not, my team won it!) - but I heard more jokes than cheers about my being on the team. In fact, I myself was mighty surprised at being selected in the first place, and distinctly remember the resigned face of my sports teacher when he had called out my name. I guess he was desperately short of people.
As a result of this mindset, I did very little physical activity till about twenty nine years of age. The fact that I was naturally thin meant that I did not need to exercise even for the sake of vanity. I was always on the other side of the weight spectrum, frustrated about the lack of weight gaining advice out there. But somewhere around my twenty ninth birthday, things began to change. My health kind of broke down, and as I lay sick on the bed for almost a month, I felt a need to change my outlook towards my health, and make it a priority. It’s funny how years of nagging (from people wiser than you) can’t convince you of something you realize within a few weeks through your own mistakes. That’s what happened, and I found myself resolving to eat better, exercise, and generally take care of my health. The fact that years of eating junk food had considerably widened my midsection by then made the need for exercising even more acute.
Over the last three years, I have experimented with various forms of exercising, including gym, zumba classes, swimming, and running. But I don’t think I have ever truly challenged myself. Perhaps that’s why despite three years of more or less regular exercising, my weight has remained constant, and so has my waistline.
In the last few months in California, I have frequently heard of/seen people challenging themselves in various ways. Some run marathon after marathon, some cycle for over five hundred miles in a few days, some comfortably hike up hills with an infant on their back (frequently overtaking me as I pause and pant at every meter of elevation gain.) Ever since I came here, I have often found myself wondering - if they can push themselves to such an extent, why can’t I do it just a little bit? And after much thought, I have concluded that once again, I am restricted only by my own beliefs. If I truly want to, I can do any of those things.
That’s why when I heard of a marathon training group which claims to get even couch potatoes running a marathon, I decided to believe them, and enrolled myself in their half-marathon training (yes, I do not have the heart for a full-marathon yet.) The race is in October, and the training has already begun. I had an interesting first day, more on that in a separate post. But I am happy to say that I am truly thrilled at having taken this step (with enormous support and cheer from people around me.) Back in school when I was dejected over having let my team down in the relay race, convinced that I was not one who could run, I could not have imagined that one day, I would be doing this.
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