"You write well."
"Very well written - I think writing is in your blood!"
"Have you been writing all these years? Why did you not share earlier?"
"Beautiful thoughts - expressed very nicely"
These were some of the responses I got when I started blogging. When these comments began pouring in, my first reaction was that of relief. Immense relief. Relief because I so desperately wanted people to like what I wrote, but was so unsure they would. So yes, I was extremely relieved when I did not meet harsh criticism on my first blog.
My second reaction was that of elation. Yes!!! I was better than I had thought. I was being appreciated for doing something that I loved doing. People were actually liking what I wrote! This meant a great deal to me.
And the third reaction was to face the questions that stood staring at me. WHY did I not share my writings with anyone earlier? I have always been writing. Yes, all these years. Something or the other. Diary mostly. Then poems, stories, essays. The fact is, I have always loved writing - it has been my stress-buster. My companion when everything else in life seemed to be falling apart. Always. Then why, why have I been so reluctant to share any of these writings with anyone - save a few friends with whom I have shared my writings - but that too very selectively.
I find two answers to these questions when I introspect. One - most of my writings have been extremely personal in nature. They are expressions of my feelings during the times which were very, very tough for me as an individual. They reflect the intense emotions I had gone through during those times. Some of these are things I am still not comfortable sharing with anyone. Not yet, atleast.
The second reason is - fear of failure. I could never prepare myself to jump into the waters without thinking about drowning. What will people say/think of me? Will I be exposed - my weaknesses especially - will they be out in the open - for people to judge me? Yes. So why take the risk. Why not just stay like this, in my comfort zone, and be fine. And so I did.
Why did I start this blog then - some of you might think. Valid question. Well, there is a small twist in this story. All these years - when I was busy shying away from sharing what I wrote - somewhere deep down, I had been nurturing the hope and aspiration of becoming a writer some day. Yes, a writer. Funny? Ironical? It is. And strangely, I did not even realize this irony till only recently. An experience made me think what I really wanted to do in life. And that was to follow my passion for writing. And then I thought - if I do not have the courage to share a small piece of article with anyone, it is highly stupid to even think about becoming a writer. My aspirations and the reality were so hopelessly contradictory to each other. I had to choose between the two - my dream or the status-quo. Courage or fear. Risk or comfort zone. Finally I realized - the dream was too important for me to compromise it for the sake of some fear. I was already regretting the years I had wasted not marching towards my goal. I did not want to spend more of them. And hence, Moments of Solitude came into existance.
Before I end this note - I would like to thank each one of you - who has read this blog and encouraged me to write more. Trust me, your views/feedback mean a lot to me. Thank you, for not letting the writer in me die. And I will try my best not to let you all down. I promise.
