Failing...and Moving On

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” - H.G. Wells

 

And I did fall down. Quite drastically. I have completely faltered on my goals in the past fortnight. Excuses are pointless, so let's just say that I chose some other activities over these goals in the past two weeks. And though I did accomplish some important things, the fact that I didn't keep up with my commitment to the top three goals I have set for myself makes me uneasy. Therefore, I have decided, that I MUST course correct immediately. Here is an update on my goals, and my plan to get back on track.

 

1. The Course

Status: I am doing the course, but have fallen almost a week behind schedule.

Plan: Focus. Say no to things that are not essential. Sleep early, get up early, get more out of a day.

 

2. The Book

Status: I haven't done much here, again. I did share some chapters with a friend to get initial feedback, and one specific input from her makes a lot of sense, but it will also require me to discard whatever I have done so far, and start from scratch.

Plan: Start over, as a part of NaNoWriMo 2014. Finish the first draft of 50,000 words in November. That means writing 1,667 words every single day of the month. I can do it!

 

3. The Exercise Routine

Status: I followed it only for five days instead of ten

Plan: I've GOT TO find an hour everyday, 5 days a week, and exercise. Quitting is not an option!

 

Now, for the stuff that I did choose to do:

 

1. I made my resume...after almost seven years: Something extremely interesting came up, and I just HAD to do it, despite my resolution of not getting into the “job hunt” mode before this year end

2. I passed the written test for driving in California: In the first attempt (Yay!)

3. I took driving lessons, and practised driving separately as well

4. I passed the behind-the-wheel driving test: Also in the first attempt (Yay! Yay! Yay!!!)

5. I attended a workshop on writing at the local public library: Interesting stuff on re-writing

6. I attended a Diwali party, met some nice people, and look forward to making new friends: yet to make follow up calls, will do that once I get back on track

7. I found my WHY. Or I feel I did. More on this in a separate post.

 

So, this is what has been happening. This post is meant to put things back in perspective for me. Setbacks, I suppose, are a part of anything worthwhile we do in life; more so when trying out new things. I believe, that the important thing is to treat them as just that – a part of something bigger...a part which is essential to complete the whole, but is not the end in itself.

A Diwali Away from Home...in a New Home

For as long as I can remember, I have had a fascination for lights. It's not that I sit staring at the bulbs in my house all day, but the moment I see a cluster of lights, especially at a distance, I can't help but gape, wide-eyed, mesmerized. Whether I am approaching a hill station at night, or am in a plane landing or taking off after dusk, or looking at the pollution-free starry night in one of my getaways from the city, the view of hundreds of shimmering lights invariably casts a spell on me.
 

Perhaps that's why Diwali has always been one of my favourite festivals. The colourful lights that decorate almost every house in sight, the modest diyas with their delicious smell and beauty when lit, the ever growing varieties of crackers with a splendid show of lights – Diwali has always created an atmosphere I can't get enough of. And the times of togetherness with loved ones, accompanied by mouth-watering food and sweets indubitably add to the charm of this festival. 

 

This year, I missed most of this. Since I have just arrived in the US a month ago, I could not go back to celebrate Diwali in my home town like every year, though Google Hangout did help me get a glimpse of the decorations and festivities. This was my second Diwali away from home, in thirty one years. No matter what, I almost always made it home on Diwali. So of course, this Diwali was a little lonely. Consumerism only rubbed salt on my wounds, by making sure that I receive at least one email every day for the past fortnight, asserting, “it is time to go home” or “their Diwali is incomplete without you” or “home feels lonely when you are not around” and so on – I had to unsubscribe from these mails to stop the torture.
 

But, in a way, I guess it had to start somewhere. Now that I am married and might not be able to go home every year on Diwali, my husband and I will have to start celebrating the festival on our own, in “our home.” Yes, the definition of home will slowly change, and while I will still get together with family and friends, for my kids, “going home for Diwali” would mean coming back to wherever my husband and I celebrate Diwali. So, this is a beginning for my husband and me, to start creating Diwali rituals of our own, with love, fondness, togetherness, customs, and of course - food.
 

Therefore, for this first Diwali in our home, I thanked God, and told Him how grateful I was for everything in my life. Then, I lit some diyas, and gaped at them. And then we burned some light crackers. For dinner, I made some poori-sabzi, which my husband loves.
 

As I stood there looking at the diyas, holding my husband's arm, I thought...may be, some day, my kids will become as fond of this festival as I am, and would want to come back home for every Diwali with the same eagerness.

Conquer Your Impossibilities

First of all, a quick update on my goals:

 

1. I have joined the Live Your Legend course and am in the second week. It is going pretty well, as per my expectations

2. I have resumed the work on my book, but am yet to pick up steam. Will have to focus and invest more time on this goal

3. The exercise routine has begun, and has gone well so far. Have not missed a day in the last two weeks (Yay!)

 

Now, among other things, I am currently reading the book “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I like it so far, and feel eager to get back to the book whenever possible. One thing that really caught my attention in the book was an example of experimenting with oneself, a topic that has popped up again and again in my readings lately, and which seems to have the potential to change one's life.

 

So Elizabeth Gilbert, or Liz (as she calls herself in the book,) who is looking for peace and God in an ashram in India, is facing immense difficulty in trying to concentrate during meditation. She finds it impossible to still her mind, and gets extremely frustrated. Which is when someone tells her about Vipassana – an ancient meditation technique which requires  serious work and discipline from its students. An introductory Vipassana meditation class lasts for ten days, and the students are expected to sit still in silence for ten hours a day, in stretches of two to three hours at a time. It is gruelling, of course, but the point of this meditation is that if you can still yourself for long enough, you will realize that all discomfort – an inevitable part of life – eventually goes away.

 

This motivates Liz, to try and sit still for just "one hour of her long life," and meditate. However, she sits down to do this only to realize that she has chosen dusk to meditate in a garden in India, which means that mosquitoes are going to eat her alive. The thought of putting this off for a better time enters her mind, to be immediately quelled by another thought – that there never seems to be a good time to meditate for her. There are constant distractions in everyday life, so this time is as good as any other. Therefore, as an experiment, she decides to sit through the pain and itch of mosquito bites for an hour. She wants to see if she can endure this. Eventually, she ends up sitting there for about two hours, absolutely thrilled with this newly acquired self-knowledge – that she could do something she had not imagined possible in thirty two years of her life. It is a small feat, but it brings about a whole new understanding of who she is...who she can be. "What will I be able to do tomorrow that I can not do today?" - she wonders.

 

Which brings me to Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend, who asserts that everything was impossible till somebody did it. We tend to limit ourselves by our thoughts. We are perhaps constrained by ideas that have been drilled into our minds since childhood. Many-a-time these ideas – which did not even originate from us – stop us from realizing our full potential. Scott believes, that through experiments, we can break this chain. Through experiments, we can test the limits we live with, and push them away. Through experiments, we can get to know ourselves better. Through experiments, we can generate possibilities.

 

For those of you who are excited by this idea, here is a suggestion: think of something that you consider to be your own impossibility today. It could be anything – getting up early in the morning (big one for me), losing a few kilograms of weight, running for one kilometre – anything that you think is impossible for you to do. Now imagine, what if you proved yourself wrong? What if you could beat this impossibility to pulp, and stand on top of it, exhilarated. Would it inspire you to do something else that you consider impossible? Would you be amazed at your own capabilities? Try it, if your want. Experiment.

 

I have been experimenting with becoming an early riser. I have improved, but haven't reached where I want to be. Anyone who knows me personally, knows that it used to be IMPOSSIBLE for me to get up early in the morning. Here is a photo defining me in my college days, just to give you an idea.

And here I am, talking about, and trying to overcome this impossibility, through my experiments with myself. As my husband says, for me to even talk about voluntarily waking up at 5 AM, is to have overcome a psychological impossibility. Well, one thing I know for sure. If I can do this...there is little else I can't do.

Live Your Legend!

It was a Friday morning in January 2014, and I was almost at the end of my Christmas-New Year long vacation. I had to join work on Monday, and a Monday after a long vacation did not seem like the best thing in the world. Now, it wasn't that I hated my job. On the contrary, I rather liked it. But over the previous few months, deep down, I had started to realize that this was not what I wanted to do all my life. Not that I knew exactly what I wanted to do...I still don't. But I was getting a little bored with the corporate sector, and had stopped waking up excited to go to work every day. And so, on that Friday morning, when I stumbled upon this Ted talk on How to find and do work you love by Scott Dinsmore, I was thrilled.
 

The mere fact that there is an organization that aims at helping people quit jobs they don't like and start making a living doing things that matter to them just blew my mind. It was a phenomenal idea. I immediately visited the website of Live Your Legend (LYL), and subscribed to their emails. Over the last nine months, I have read most of Scott's posts on the website, and have also come across several other inspiring people and the work that they are doing. It is really, really impressive. And the more I read Scott's posts, the more convinced I became that this was the right place for me, to begin a journey of self-exploration, that might help me find what I was looking for from life. And if there were any doubts at all, they would not stand a chance when faced with the confidence with which LYL approaches this whole process of finding and doing work you love. Sample this: they have a course called “Live Off Your Passion” - which is designed to help you find your passion and start making money through it in a nine to ten weeks time frame, provided you are willing to put in the required hard work. And if you are not satisfied with the course, they will refund all your money (including the credit card processing fee) – no questions asked. On top of that, they will offer you a free personal coaching session to help you get back on track. Now that, according to me, is a proposition hard to say no to. There is absolutely nothing to lose, and I leave the possible gains to your imagination. And no, I am not getting any commission from Live Your Legend to write this post. I am doing this of my own accord, because I am absolutely sure that there is value here, which is why I have recently joined this course myself.
 

This is the first week and I am extremely excited about this. I already feel I might not have to ask for my money back. This is also a part of the three goals I have set for myself for the next three months. So, partial check on the first goal. I believe, that I am on my way, to live my legend!

The Pledge

Okay, so I have reached the other side of goodbye, and this is my first post from there. As anticipated, it is quite amazing out here in California, and though I miss India, I know I am going to have a blast here. It has been about two weeks since we moved, and we have already settled down quite a bit (the complete set up may take some more time, but the basic stuff is done.) We've got a nice apartment, the kitchen is all set, essential furniture has also been bought and assembled, we've got bikes for some mobility, have applied for SSN, and opened bank accounts. My husband has joined work and I am in the process of applying for my work permit. And we have started preparing for the driving license test. That was a quick update on where things are.

 

Now, everyone back home has been asking me how I am finding it here, since this is my first time in the US. Well, after having spent thirty one years in India, US is definitely a new world altogether. From assembling our own furniture to cooking and cleaning on our own instead of happily letting the maids take care of everything, lots of things have changed. Though the various equipments do make household chores more convenient, we are yet to get used to doing everything ourselves. And while I am enjoying learning new ways and eating food that I cook as of now, let's see how long that lasts. But that's not the only thing I have to get used to. The eerie quietness that surrounds me all day long gets to me sometimes, after the constant sound of life I was accustomed to in India. I suppose I will really start to like the silence in a few weeks, but as of now I whole heartedly welcome the sound of the Caltrain that passes by through one of the nearby tracks every few hours. Another thing that takes me totally by surprise even after two weeks here is when cars seem to stop miles away upon seeing me cross a road, unlike in India where at most places one has to brace oneself and bravely walk right in to the chaotic traffic. There are more cars than people to be seen on the roads here, and I almost squealed with delight when I saw a crowd at a farmer's market. My husband, who has been to the US several times in the past, seems to be quite amused by how I am adapting to this new life. It is all a lot of fun, and I am enjoying every bit of it. 

 

So that's the story so far. Now, I offer you a glimpse of what lies ahead. In an earlier post, I had talked about how my life was all set for a massive change. Well, the process has begun. As I wait for my work permit and my husband gets busy with his work, I will have ample time to do the things I have been longing to do for years. And if things go as per my plan, the work permit should only enable me to get paid for the things that I love doing. The next few months will be focused on finding some answers. And to ensure that I have some accountability, I would like to announce what I intend to accomplish in the next three months.

 

My Goals for the Next Three Months:

 

1. To take up and complete a course from Live Your Legend (more on this in a separate post)

2. To complete the first draft of a book I have been working on

3. To resume a regular habit of exercising – a combination of Zumba, walking, running, biking – one hour every day, 5 days a week

 

I have some smaller goals too, which I will talk about if the need arises. But for now, I take the pledge to stay true to the ones listed above. Wish me luck...I will need it on this new journey that I begin today!