A Ratio for Happiness

I am a strong supporter of positive thinking - anyone who knows me well knows that about me. But recently, while taking a course in Positive Psychology, I was relieved to learn about the importance of negative emotions, and the role they play in our happiness. The reason for my relief will become clear shortly.

Four years ago, around my twenty ninth birthday, I realized that I needed to take charge of my happiness, and consciously work towards it. Since then, I have spent a lot of time trying to become a more peaceful and happier person. And while I feel that I am happier today than ever before in my life, I still have my moments of anger, fear, and frustration. There are times when I question my capability, and am filled with self-doubt. There are times when I feel upset about what someone has said or done, and want to get back at them. There are times when I feel paralyzed by fear about my future. And though the frequency of such moments has decreased over time, the fact that I continue to have them bothers me - because I had assumed that as I become happier, I will stop experiencing these emotions altogether.

Turns out, I was wrong. Being a positive person does not warrant an absence of negative emotions. It involves the wisdom that we are all but human, and will have our moments of weaknesses. If we truly want to be happy, then instead of trying to suppress, ignore, or deny the negative emotions we feel, we need to acknowledge them, and learn to deal with them as a part of life. Each emotion has a specific role to play in our lives, and when we learn to deal with negative emotions, we become more resilient, and grow as individuals.

If that is the case, you may wonder, then why are we all nudged to try and be optimistic? Why can’t we just revel in negativity? Well - the answer is that excess of anything is bad - be it positive emotions or negative ones. The key to happiness is balancing them out. But, our brains seem to have a much easier time creating a hill out of a mole of negative things, than focusing on the positive things in life. For example, if you have just given a wonderful presentation at work, but missed out on an important point, your brain is more likely to focus on that one miss instead of the success of the rest of the presentation. This phenomenon is called negativity bias -  a tendency to focus on, pay more attention to, and give more importance to negative events as compared to equivalent positive events. And because it is so much easier to be negative than be positive, to find a balance, we need to make extra efforts to experience positive emotions.

In her online course on Positive Psychology, Barbara Fredrickson of North Carolina University talks about a concept called “Positivity Ratio” - and asserts that people who experience positive and negative emotions in the ratio of 3:1 (or more, up to a point,) are likely to flourish in life. So, if you experience ten positive emotions in a day, and five negative emotions, your positivity ratio for the day is 2:1. This ratio, over a period of time, can indicate your overall well-being and happiness levels. (This ratio has been questioned and debated in the scientific community, and while the exact maths and numbers behind the theory may or may not be valid, the study has found empirical evidence to support the point that people who outnumber negative emotions by positive ones are happier.)

If we want to be happier, we can make attempts to increase our positivity ratio, by trying out the following things:

1. Experience More Positive Emotions: By finding more time to do the things that make us happy - be it reading, painting, hiking, dancing, or spending time with friends and family, we take the numerator up and increase the ratio. Interestingly, the intensity of the happiness we feel does not matter as much as the frequency. So, small joys can do wonders - you don’t necessarily need to go on a vacation to experience positive emotions.
2. Experience Less Negative Emotions: There are moments in all our days that we dread. Whether it is getting up in the morning, working at a job we don’t enjoy, or dealing with people we don’t look forward to meeting, we all have something or the other that generates negative emotions in us. And while we don’t need to eliminate them altogether, if we can only reduce the instances of feeling such emotions, our positivity ratio may go up. For example, most people hate being stuck in traffic. It can be a frustrating waste of time. But, if we need to get to work at a specific hour, and there is traffic along the route, we can’t wave a magic wand to make the cars disappear. But there are steps we can take to decrease our frustration. First and foremost, we need to accept the fact that the traffic is not in our control, and stressing ourselves over it is doing us no good. Then, we can think about the things that are in our control. Can we listen to and enjoy our favourite music during that time? If we never seem to have enough time to read, can we listen to an audiobook while stuck in traffic? Can we live closer to our office so that we can reduce the commute time? Can we go to and leave work early - thereby avoiding the rush hour altogether? We can change the experience by changing our attitude towards it, and looking for possible solutions. Similarly, for many other activities that are stressful for us, we can find ways to at least partially reduce the negative emotions.
3. Do both 1 and 2

I have always wanted to be happier. Four years ago, I decided to take matters in my control, and it has worked. And the best part is, anyone can become happier by taking small steps to increasing the positivity ratio. Try it, and see for yourself!

How to be Happy

For the last couple of years of my life, I have been fascinated by the topic of happiness. What is happiness? How does one find it? Everyone wants to be happy, right? Then why do so many of us struggle with being happy? How difficult can it be? Can we do anything to make ourselves, and in turn the world - a happier place?

There is no standard definition of happiness that fits the whole of humanity, and I don’t want to get into that right now. Chances are, you know when you are happy. What I want to talk about today is the fact that research on happiness indicates that 50% of our happiness is genetically pre-determined, 10% is due to life-circumstances, and 40% is in our control.

Now, there are various ways in which one can interpret this data:

1. A half of my happiness is dependent on my genes? I knew I was right in blaming my parents all along! - Can be one way.
2. Only 10% depends on my life circumstances? Well - obviously the people studied didn't have a spouse like mine, or kids who are real brats, or arguably the worst boss on earth! Because if I was a part of that study, the numbers would have looked like 50% genetic and 100% circumstantial! - Is another way to look at it.
3. 40% of my happiness is in my control? That’s huge! But how?- Is another way to look at these statistics.

I happen to be a perennial optimist (perhaps credit is due to my parents for a positive genetic disposition) - and so, I choose to look at these numbers as an opportunity - a massive opportunity to realize the magnitude of control I do have over my life and my happiness. So, I am more interested in finding ways to see how I can alter the 40% in my control to live a happier life.

Through my readings on the subject, I have arrived at five factors that contribute to one’s happiness in one's life.

1. Gratitude: This is something that I have tried and tested, and it shows almost immediate results. When I first started practising gratitude three years ago, I was surprised at how much I was taking for granted. The mere act of focusing and being grateful for what you have instead of what is not working can lift your spirits and put you in a better mood. Three years ago, I started keeping a gratitude journal - and wrote three things that I was grateful for every night. And now, being grateful has become a way of living for me. I still crib and complain occasionally, but am instantly aware of what I am doing, and replace those negative emotions with positive ones. Try it - I assure you that you will not regret it.

2. Social Connections: I have always been more of an introvert, though I cannot deny the fact that the reason I have lived a mostly happy life is because I have always had a closely knit, loving family, and at least one or two close friends - with whom I could share everything about my life. Without them, I would have been in a completely different boat. We all have people who love us and whom we love in our lives. Cherishing those people and those relationships is a sure shot way of ensuring happiness.

3. Mindfulness: This is extremely interesting. When I was first looking for a job, I used to think - Oh! If only I could get a well-paying job, I would be happy. And then I got a job. And then I used to think that if only I could get that promotion - I would be happy. And then I got the promotion. And then again, I thought - Oh! If only I could find a wonderful life partner, I would be happy. And I found him as well. Did I become happy? I did - momentarily. The thing is, every time I achieved a major milestone I thought would make me happy, my brain set new goals for me to achieve. And I kept pursuing them. And again. And again. And again. Until last year - when I realized that I will never be happy if I tie my happiness to a goal that I need to achieve. Happiness is not a destination that you reach. Happiness is a state of mind - it is the combined effect of hundreds of choices you make every single day. Happiness will not come after you have done something. Happiness is NOW. And mindfulness is being aware of every moment - living in the present and enjoying it.

 

4. Physical Activity: “Health is wealth” - we have all heard this from people wiser than us. And if you are anything like me, you would have duly ignored it (at least until some time back I did.) But the fact is that regular exercise, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep are all factors that contribute to one’s well-being and happiness.

5. Higher Meaning & Purpose: There is a wonderful book I read about a year ago - it is called How Will You Measure Your Life. The idea of the book was to look at life with a “big picture” perspective - to think of things that are truly important to us, and then live our lives by design, doing things that matter, rather than by default. When we live a life that we find meaningful, and contribute towards purposes bigger than ourselves, we become happier.

Essentially, a large part of our lives is a result of the choices that we make. And like everything else, happiness also is a matter of choice. Well, at least 40% of it is. So, I invite you to choose wisely, and live happily.

Revised Goals - 2015

When I set goals for 2015 at the beginning of the year, I was skeptical. I have never been a meticulous planner, and was not sure how well this level of goal setting would work out for me. In the last few months, I have realized that though this activity has helped me, I can make my goals more effective. What I really want to do this year is focus on some important themes in my life, and work towards them. That, at present, is not happening, and that’s why I need to re-look at my goals, classify them in these broad themes, and then pursue them.

There are three broad themes that I want to focus on this year:

Making the World a Happier Place

One of the key things I learnt from the Live Your Legend course was that I want to assist other people live happier lives. That's part of my why. This finding has generated my interest in Positive Psychology. In the next few months, I want to focus on learning about the science of happiness, and ways in which I can use it to help other people. For this theme, I have three goals:

1. Pursue courses in Positive Psychology: I am currently enrolled in two MOOCs on the topic, and would like to complete them
2. Read books on Positive Psychology/Happiness: My goal is to read at least ten books on the subject in the next few months
3. Explore any other avenues that support this theme: This is open ended, but I want to be open to what comes my way as I am new to the area.

Writing

This has been, and will remain an important theme. Here’s what I need to accomplish as a part of this:

1. The Book: I have found out about the publishing options, and am working on sending a proposal to some publishers in the next month or so
2. 1000 words every day: I have been struggling with this, but I don’t want to give up. Due to this goal, I end up writing a lot more than I normally would have, and so even if I don’t meet the numbers, I will continue to have this on my list for the time being
3. Posting once a week on this blog: One problem that I struggle with are the topics - what do I write about? I am thinking I will start writing about whatever I learn during my readings on happiness - this will help me combine my two main themes, and may also be useful to people who read this blog
4. One word a day: This is on track, the whole point of this goal was to be able to improve my English, especially for writing, and so I am clubbing it under the theme of writing

Health & Fitness

I have been focusing on exercise and healthy eating for last couple of years, and I think it is important to keep this up. The eventual outcome I am looking for is getting to my ideal weight of 50 kg from my current 54. Here is how I plan to get to that number:

1. By exercising 5 days a week: More or less in line with what I have been doing, except for a few lapses here and there
2. By eating more fruits and vegetables: Again something I have been doing and will continue to do

As a part of my original goals, I had planned to launch another blog - but am putting that on hold for now. The idea behind it is still evolving and I don’t think I am ready to start that blog yet. I am also taking off “better planning and management” from the list - not because it is not working, but because I have already formed a routine around it and it no longer needs to be a separate goal.

One thing that I do want to achieve this year is beginning to earn money by doing things I love. However, the reason I am not keeping it as a goal any more is because I want it to be a by-product of pursuing the others goals, and not the end in itself.