A Big Girl...

Niharika still remembers the day her 4th standard results were announced. She had passed, and would go to 5th standard now. All her family members and relatives had been so happy...and they told her she was a big girl now. Ofcourse, she thought. Girls who reach Class V are big girls. They are not kids any more...like those nursery or Class I/II girls. They are the senior most in primary school. And she was happy that she was one of those big girls now, who are considered to be mature, and are treated with respect like elders. She met her friend Shruti in the evening - in their colony's park, and they sat on a swing together. And they talked about their schools, friends, results as usual. And they marvelled, "Next year, we will go in Class VI!" They pushed the ground harder to increase the speed of the swing. "And then next to next year, in Class VII!!!" The swing's speed increased even more. "And then Class VIII!!!" Whoa! That was all. That was the extreme of their imagination. Reaching Class VIII looked like such a big goal in life. Completely overwhelmed, they could not think beyond.

Cut to 8 years later. Niharika is sitting in a room full of her Class XII batchmates and teachers. There is a group of people singing an emotional farewell song on stage. There are tears in Niharika's eyes. These friends - she does not know when will she meet them after this. Will she be able to stay in touch? Oh, how badly will she miss her school days! Why does this life have to end? The laughters, punishments, homework, fun - is it really getting over? Her wandering eyes spot Kailash, and she quickly looks away. Will she ever see him again? Kailash - her biggest crush in school, the first love of her life? She hasn't even spoken to him in over 4 years now. And she does not have the courage to even go and ask him to fill her slam book so that she gets his contact details at least. Should she? It does not matter. Because she knows she can't. She is way too shy to do this. And Pankhudi? Her best friend in school? Who knows what life has in store for their friendship. Can they live without each other? Does not look possible. Oh, it is so hard. And suddenly, out of nowhere, an image captures her mind. The image of Shruti and herself speeding up the swing, thinking 'We are big girls now!' And she smiles bitterly. Ya, right. Big girls? In Class V? How stupid were we back then - not even knowing what life is all about. Now is the time when she actually feels she has become a big girl - so much more mature than she ever was. Yes, she is really a big girl now.

Cut to 3 more years later. Niharika is again sitting in a room with some of her friends. Their graduation final year results are out. And that means, it is end of college. Another ending in life. Another time to part with people she has become close to. Another time to leave the surroundings she has become so used to. But this time this is not so difficult. She has the contact numbers of all her friends. And she knows she can stay in touch with them forever. Now is the time to do something big in life. They are graduates now, with numerous dreams in their eyes. There is so much to do...so much to achieve. It is time to make all dreams come true. She is ready to take on the world. And suddenly, she again thinks of that evening on that swing with Shruti, and laughs aloud. She can't believe she was so naive. And she also thinks about her Class XII farewell. That brings a smile today. Well, she is in touch with some of her friends from school. She has not seen or spoken to Kailash since then - but that seems such a distant memory now. She has definitely grown as an individual, learnt so much in life. She feels she is so much mature now - she knows what to do with her life. She has really become a big girl now - in the true sense.

Cut to today. It's been 5 years since her graduation. She has just come back from work, and is extremely disillusioned. She has just begun to see some realities of the corporate world. The cut-throat competition. The lows people hit to achieve something they think is success. The back-stabbing. The deceits. These things have hit her hard. Her beliefs that everything around her is fair have shattered. She has seen people changing colours. People she used to admire have turned into filth she does not want to look at. In her personal life too, she has seen multiple facets of various people. She has experienced deceit from people closest to her. She has learnt not to trust easily. And for some reason - she can't stop thinking about those innocent days she has left behind. The days when it was so easy to pour her heart out to Shruti or Pankhudi - without having to think what they would do with that information. The days where games meant pure fun - and did not hurt like the games people played with each other in her current stage of life. It seems immaterial that she is a big girl now. She just wants to go back to those days of being naive and stupid. That life seems so much simpler. And as she is thinking - she realizes one more thing. At every stage of her life, she has felt she had already seen what life had to offer, and was mature enough to handle anything that comes her way. Only to be proven wrong at a later stage. And for sure, there is another stage in life yet to come, that will make her feel how immature she was when she was getting upset over these small issues in life.

She realizes, that in reality, she is never going to be a big girl - ever. She will always have more things to learn, new experiences to encounter - that will leave her with more maturity than she already had. She is surprised that it has taken her so long to understand this small truth. She was almost going to believe once again that she has become a big girl with these newly found experiences. But no, not again. The truth is, there are many more things to come in life - and she just wants to be ready to learn from them. Never again would she think of herself as a big girl.