The Cycle

It has happened again. The same cycle - a news, a gap to absorb it, some reflections, the realization, the tears, and finally the memories. The only things that remain.

In the past few years - I have gone through this cycle several times. And it still does not cease to shock me each single time. It started with 'baba' - my paternal grandfather. Followed by his wife, my 'dadi'. Then it was Monty. A week after that was Jassimran. Then an uncle. A few days ago Sayak. And now my maternal grandfather - my 'nana'. All these have been cases of sudden deaths, not followed by any severe illness. All these people were hail and hearty moments before the lightening struck. Obviously they themselves won't have known that they were so close to the end - forget those around them. Okay, some of these people were somewhat old - but they were all quite active till moments before their deaths.

Today looked like a normal day - apart from the fact that there was too much work and I was in office on a Sunday. I wanted to complete some pending stuff for a customer visit that starts tomorrow. I was working on this presentation when I received a call from my brother - to tell me about the incident. The first reaction was shock and disbelief. Then the news sunk in. Nana? NANA? How...where...when? Apparently he slipped in the verandah and got hurt in his head. And before anyone could know a thing, it was all over. By the time I disconnected the call, the tears were already in full flow. I had not even spoken to him in the last few days...just postponing it to some other day. This is going to be one of the biggest regrets of my life.

I tried hard to get a ticket and board the next flight to Delhi - so that I could see him one last time before all we have are his photographs. But guess God had decided to punish me. I missed the flight by 10 minutes. And now here I am, thinking about him, and how I am not being able to accompany him in his last few hours in this world before he mixes with the five elements his body was made of.

There is not much difference in the way this cycle unfolds. And it always leaves me with some philosophical thoughts in my mind. What is the point of this life that we lead? Who knows what's in store in the next moment? We plan our lives years in advance, when we aren't even sure if we are going to see another new day. These thoughts are disturbing. But what is even more disturbing is that they are so short-lived. I mean I go in this phase of what-is-the-point-of-life when I experience any such incident - and after a few days, things get back to usual. The same routine, the same rat-race, the same lifestyle. Once in a while I come back to these thoughts - but for a very short span of time. Some would call it the resilience of human nature - that lets people survive the biggest adversities in life. I agree. Some would call it the stupidity of human beings - how people forget what their real destiny is and run after materialistic things. I agree to this as well. But then, what are we supposed to do? I mean, agreed that everyone is meant to die someday. But till the time a person is alive, what should he or she be doing? Should one be enjoying life to the fullest as per what one feels is important - or should one focus on things beyond one's selfish interests, and do something about humanity in general? I don't know which of these perspectives is right or wrong - I am no one to judge. All I feel is, as long as people who know someone remember him or her with fondness and love, that person has had a good life.

And from that perspective, I have no doubt that my nana had a wonderful life. I am sorry that I am not with you today nana - to wish you a final goodbye. But you will always be there with me and I know you will be blessing me like always - from wherever you are. I am surely going to miss you as hell. May your soul rest in peace.