The Year 2014 - In Retrospect

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you would have noticed some changes around here. I had been thinking about improving the look and feel of my blog for a while now, and finally got around to doing it recently. I am not done yet, and the design may continue to evolve over time, but I like this better than what I had earlier. Do let me know what you think as well. One major change that I did was buying a domain name, so that even if I choose to move to another platform, I can maintain the same website address.

2014 has been one of the most significant years of my life. I have done so many different things, that I have a feeling I will remember this as an year that began a transformation in my life. Here is a list of things I did in 2014 that I am really proud of, and some that I am not.

THINGS I AM PROUD OF

1. Became an Early Riser: This is the biggest change and tops the list because I considered it IMPOSSIBLE for thirty years of my life. I never was a morning person, and my family and friends will still find it difficult to believe that this has changed about me. But it has. Even though I don’t get up at 5 or 6 AM every morning, I now know that I can. And that makes all the difference. I am insanely proud of this, because this opens up a whole new world of possibilities for me.

2. Wrote my First Book: As of now, only the first draft. But I finished it, and that too in 30 days, as a part of NaNoWriMo 2014. I had been planning on doing it for over two years, at least, but was always paralysed by the fear of failure. So this is a big deal for me.

3. Revived my Blog: This blog is and will always remain special to me, and after years of irregular (or zero) writing at all, I posted here with a regular frequency August 2014 onwards. I do hope to keep that up.

4. Celebrated my First Wedding Anniversary: The first year of marriage just flew, and I smiled when I thought of people telling me how difficult being married would be. It was tough at times, for sure, and I am sure there will be ups and downs in the years to come. But I am immensely grateful to be with someone with whom I can discuss everything under the sun. That in itself solves a lot of problems, I suppose.

5. Quit my Corporate Job and Moved to a New Country: This was a big step towards coming out of my comfort zone. I had been working with the same company for over six years, and though I liked the area I worked in, I was getting bored of the corporate world - I wanted more from life. So, when the opportunity came, I was ready to take the plunge. It was scary, for sure. Leaving a well paying job I was so used to for an unknown future in a new country was definitely not easy. But with the support of my husband, I decided to take some time off and figure out what I actually wanted to do. Life is not just about money, after all, is it?

6. Got into a Fitness Regime: 2014 is the first year of my life in which I have exercised regularly, for the most part. I had tried doing this earlier, but I could never sustain it. I have a tendency to get bored with things quickly, and the same was happening with exercising. Being a late riser was not helping the cause. So, along with rising early, I experimented with different forms of exercise. Now, I do a mix of various things I like - thereby reducing the chances of boredom. And it works.

7. Actively Went Out of my Comfort Zone: My biggest nightmare has always been ending up in a group of people where I don’t know anybody. I am terrible at small talk, and it takes time for me to build connection with a person, and it almost never happens in a large group. Ironically, the last couple of months have made me realize that my core skills and strengths lie in the social world - because I “get” people, and can add value to them. And that is what gives me true joy. I needed to get over my inhibitions if I ever hoped to find fulfilment in my career. Therefore, I braced myself, and signed up for various events where I had to spend some time with complete strangers. And guess what - it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t talk to everyone in the group, of course, but spoke to a few people who turned out to be fairly nice. And I listened more, because that’s my strength, as opposed to talking.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER (Also a hint on 2015 Goals)

1. Actually Rising Early: While I know now that I can get up early, and I did it several times in 2014, I didn’t consistently get up early in 2014. I would like to make a habit out of this in 2015.

2. Better Planning: I have never been much of a planner in my personal life, and think of myself as more of a person who goes with the flow/lives in the moment. And while it has its advantages, sometimes I feel I could do so much more if I just planned a little, and managed my time better.

3. Healthier Eating: I tackled the exercise bit in 2014, and even improved my eating habits to an extent. But there is a lot of scope for improvement.

4. Consistency in Writing: Despite multiple attempts, I failed at working on my novel before Nov 2014. I wrote only when I was so ashamed of my failures, that I committed to writing 50,000 words in 30 days. I did that. And if I could do that, I could have written a lot more, had I been doing it consistently throughout the year. 

Looking at the big picture, 2014 was a great year for me. I believe that it marked the beginning of a different phase in my life, and I really look forward to what lies ahead. I am working on defining my 2015 Goals, and will share them soon.

Thank you for being a part of this amazing year. The encouragement from my readers played a huge part in whatever I have been able to achieve this year, and I am immensely grateful for your support. I hope 2014 was a good year for you as well, and wish you a 2015 full of happiness, love, and laughter.

The Road Ahead

I am very, very, very excited as I write this post. The reason? Well – there are several:

1. I completed the 50,000 words in 30 days as a part of NaNoWriMo 2014. Yes, I did it. I am an official NaNoWriMo 2014 winner! They even gave me a fancy certificate :) . This also means that the first draft of my first book is ready. It is abysmal as of now, to say the least, but it has been completed. And that makes me proud
2. The course has been going well...there are a couple of more weeks to go. I have got some new ideas, and will spend the next few months working on them
3. The exercise routine has been going steady for over a month now. I just missed two days though – but I know I can easily get back in the rhythm, and I like that newly found confidence

So basically, the goals that I had set for myself two months ago, are all near completion, and that is what makes me so happy.

In my previous post, I had shared that as a part of my Live Off Your Passion course, it is time for me to choose a passion, and see if it works as a career option. The choice, for me, was not that tough, and I have decided to give writing a full fledged, whole hearted shot. Writing was a clear winner for two reasons:

1. I have always loved doing it, and left to myself, would have chosen it in any case. The course has helped me identify the kind of writing that I like to do, and my why behind it, and that helps immensely
2. I have anyway been dedicating a lot of my time to writing, lately, with the book and this blog, and it made sense to take it to the next level

Now, to be honest, I don't know how things will work out; I don't know if I will succeed; I still have some doubts about my capabilities. But somehow, I am no longer afraid. The fear of failure has gone out the window in the last two months, because I know that it is I who define my failure. And the way I see it, no failure is final. If I don't do well as a writer, I will do something else. I will find one way or another to work with my strengths, grow as a person, and contribute something to the world. Which is what success to me is, anyway.

So, this post of mine is to announce that I am going to spend the next few months improving my writing, revising my book and attempting publication, and working on a couple of other writing projects. The course also suggests that I can pursue one other interest of mine on the side, along with writing, and for that I have chosen psychology as a way of life, learning more about concepts like empathy, gratitude, happiness, peace, and love. The ideal career for me would entail a combination of these two main interests I have, plus some others, but there is still time before I get there. The journey has just begun.

It is December already, and soon it will be time to reflect on the year gone by, and make plans for the new year. I will continue to share my goals and dreams and progress on this blog – mainly because now I know for sure that this really builds accountability. In the last two months, every time I wanted to give up on my goals – whether it was completing the book or exercising, the only thing that kept me going was my public pledge – to myself and my readers. I didn't want to be someone who did not keep her commitment. And so I pushed myself, and kept going.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement all this while. It often came at times when I really needed it, and meant the world to me. I am truly grateful – thank you!

Finding the One

 

When I decided that it was time for me to get married, I was faced with one small problem. I did not have someone to get married to. So, the path that I had to take was one of arranged marriage, something which is fairly common in India. The process began when I was twenty six years old, and went on for three years. Eventually, I did find someone I was delighted to get married to (and so was he,) but those three years preceding this meeting were not easy. From the beginning, I was extremely clear - to the point of being stubborn - that I would not get married till I found “the one” - someone whom I would love to grow old with. And none of the factors such as my rapidly approaching thirty years of age, or society's one hundred questions to be shot at my parents and me, were going to deter me from keeping my resolve. So I spent three years talking to and meeting men through various websites, newspaper ads, and relatives. Sometimes, I did not feel any of the people I was meeting was “the one” for me, and sometimes they felt the same about me. Despite terrible heartbreaks, loneliness, and suffering, I refused to settle. And finally, the efforts paid off. In retrospect, I know that each person I met in my quest to find my life partner, taught me something about myself, or life, and helped me grow as a person. Every single one of them. And if not for them, I would never have been ready to meet my husband.

 

 

The reason I share this with you today is because it seems that I will have to do the same on the professional front, as per the Live OffYour Passion course. After spending six weeks in the course, I have discovered the various interests of mine that can be looked at as possible career options, and now it is time to choose. The course tells me that the only way I will get to “the one” career that may give me life long joy, is by trying out all of them, one by one. There are guidelines and relatively quick ways to eliminate what does not work early on, but I will have to try them out nevertheless. Just like I had to meet all those men to know what works and what does not. Fortunately, there is one difference. The stakes here are lower. Unlike marriage, the commitment to a career need not be forever, and it may be easier to move on.

 

Interestingly, a few months back, I read something on these lines in a wonderful book called How Will You Measure Your Life. The author of the book insists that one doesn't have to have everything figured out in the beginning of one's career, unlike what many people would have us believe. (This book has three parts – one related to career, second related to personal life, and the third part is about staying out of jail (seriously,) and I highly recommend it to anyone who is looking for some perspective on how to live a meaningful life.) Coming back to the point on career, the author gives his own example while talking about finding fulfilment in one's work. He shares how his original dream of becoming the editor of the Wall Street Journal is still unfulfilled at age sixty, but that has not come in the way of his finding immense fulfilment in his career by experimenting with various professions, and landing up in academics which he absolutely adores.

 

In search for a suitable career (or a suitable life-partner), one may have notions of whether or not something is meant for one, but it is tough to know for sure without actually trying it out. And also, these notions are likely to evolve with time and experience.

 

I know I have notions about what I want to accomplish in life, and I also realize that these notions of mine were very different ten-fifteen years ago. After being unable to get through any of the engineering colleges after school, I was devastated. My life had seemed all set for eternal failure. But today, I can not thank God enough for not letting me get into a field I had absolutely no interest or aptitude for. I was trying to do it only because all my friends were doing it, and that is what the society expected me to do. After this so called failure, I decided to pursue a course and career in Computer Science, only to realize that while I liked it and was good at it, I was not passionate about it. Which is when I decided to study Psychology instead, a subject that had always fascinated me. During the three years of studying Psychology, I realized that I absolutely LOVED the subject, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Studying Human Resource Management seemed like a logical next step, and that's what I did. I enjoyed the course, and the job that I took after that, only to realize after six years of working that I was getting bored. Not bored of the subject as such, but bored of the corporate sector. And so I quit the job. And now, here I am, trying to figure out what I want to do next. I have to pick up one of my passions and understand, as quickly as possible, whether it is something that actually fires me up, or is just an interest that should be pursued on the side. Then, I would have to try the next item on the list.

 

To be honest, it is a little scary, and would require investment of time and energy. But I think that there is no other way to find out. Just as there was no other way to meet my husband than by meeting other people. And therefore, I have decided to follow what Steve Jobs said in this famous talk: “If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.”        

Staring at the Sky

First of all, here's the fortnightly update on my goals:

 

1. The course: Going well, it is turning out to be an amazing experience, and I am learning new things about myself on a regular basis

2. The book: On track – I have completed almost 24000 words already (in 13 days, as a part of NaNoWriMo 2014) – I had not written so many words in years together!

3. The exercise routine – On track – have not missed even a day in the last three weeks, and I am quite proud of this

 

In summary, after a bit of a setback, I have regained momentum, and hope to keep it alive.

 

Now, for today's post, I want to talk about a recent experience, which has had quite an impact on me. As a part of the Live Your Legend course, I was required to go out in the nature, and spend some time alone, with no distractions. Anything from going to a beach to taking a walk in a forest to staring at the sky was allowed. I had to go and stare at a beautiful scene for an hour or so, and keep asking myself what my purpose in life was. And I was not expected to get any answers; it was just a way to clear up some space in my head, so that new thoughts and ideas could emerge in due course.

 

For me, the most easily accessible option was to lie down and stare at the sky. I was extremely excited about this exercise, and was looking forward to it. And then, just as I was planning to go do this, I realized that this meant I would have to do nothing for that one hour. No reading, no writing, no internet, no phone, no watch – nothing. It was as if the implications of doing this had just hit me with full force, and all I could do for a while was freak out. What if I fall asleep? How will I know when the hour is over, if I don't have a watch? What if I need to make an emergency call? What will I do staring at the sky for an hour? I found this whole concept extremely unsettling.

 

Which is when I remembered the numerous articles and blog posts I had read about the art of doing nothing, of just being, of just enjoying time without any distractions. Now, if I had a beach near by, it would have been much easier. I could have spent hours at a stretch looking at the waves, given my fascination for the sea. But staring at the sky? And that too on a clear, cloudless day? Wasn't it going to be too empty to stimulate any thoughts?

 

With some effort, I calmed myself down. I had promised myself to take this course sincerely and honestly. And if it required me to do such a thing, then I had to do it. As simple as that. So I messaged my husband, who was at work, that I was going to stare at the sky for an hour (much to his puzzlement, I imagine) and would not be available on phone. Then, I went out, found a nice place in the sun, and lied down. It took me a while to finalize the angle with which I could see the sky best. A lot of views were interrupted by some trees. I wanted a view of the vastness of the sky, so I adjusted my posture multiple times, eventually finding an ideal way to lie down. And then I just stared.

 

 

 

The vast, clear, blue, beautiful sky stretched above me in all its glory. It actually looked like a sea without waves. And soon enough, I got lost in my thoughts. I wondered what my purpose in life was. I thought about the magnitude of this universe and the insignificance of my little self in it. I saw a couple of aeroplanes flying, and wondered where they were headed. I imagined sitting in one of the aeroplanes, and looking down at the clouds. And several times, I just thought how breathtakingly beautiful the sky looked. And how silly I was being getting scared of this activity. It seemed like the most relaxed, natural way to spend some free time. An hour? I could have done it for much longer.

 

As time passed, various thoughts came and went. I even remember becoming emotional at one point and felt like crying for some reason. And then, a thought floated in my head. I felt it was quite profound. Okay, it was relatively profound, as compared to some silly ones that had been frequenting my mind during this activity. It gradually developed into an idea, and I had this sudden urge to note it down. I was not carrying a note book, of course. So I came back, opened my laptop and typed away. Here is what I wrote:

 

“I believe, that life is beautiful. But like anything else that is beautiful, the beauty of life also lies in the eyes of the beholder. If you choose to see the beauty, you will see it. If you choose to see the imperfections, you will see them too. I choose to see the beauty in life. With all its challenges, sorrows, and problems, it teaches us every moment. If you relish the learning, and decide to grow as a person, you will find peace and contentment. If you prefer to live in a vicious cycle of self-pity and blaming life and others for all your unhappiness, that is what will continue. The choice is yours.”

 

I am new at this staring-at-the-sky activity, but I did like the clarity with which this idea presented itself in my mind, under the sky, while doing nothing. So now, I have decided to experiment a little more with this process, and do this exercise more often. I will spend sometime staring at the sky every other day, and let my thoughts flow – free style. Even if I don't have a Eureka! moment, it will be time well spent in relaxation.

The WHY

Ever since I saw this Ted talk by Simon Sinek on the power of why, I have been pondering over these questions: What is it that drives me? Why do I do what I do? What is the force that has made me live my life the way I have lived it so far? In short, what is my WHY?

I gave this a lot of thought, but did not reach a satisfactory conclusion. It agonized me to realize that after spending so much time introspecting, I was unable to answer such a basic question about myself. Initially, I thought that I was driven by a need for people to like me, but soon realized that this couldn't be my why. It's a part of my nature, perhaps like many of us, but not the driving force for all that I have done in my life. If it was, it would have been difficult for me to rebel in ways that I have done. It would have been impossible for me to make some tough decisions that I have made, knowing fully well that some people will hate me for them. So then, what was behind those decisions?

During a discussion with a friend, an interesting way to look at this came up. She asked me what I valued the most in life. No matter the time or place or stage in life, what was the one thing that I was looking for? And to this, I had an answer. Without a shadow of doubt, I knew that I have always valued peace more than anything else. By peace, I mean the mental state which is free of negativity, and brimming with positive emotions. There were different means through which I tried to attain it at different points in time, but a constant state of peace is what I have sought all my life. “So then,” she said, “may be that's your why.”

This thought has kept echoing in my mind since then. I still feel that the discovery is not complete yet, and greater clarity will come with time, but this is a start. Peace is definitely something that my quest in life has been about. For the most part, I have struggled with the lack of it. Resentment, unhappiness, jealousy, suffocation, anger, loss, fear, doubt, anxiety – I have experienced all the emotions that can drive peace away. And I still do. But in the last couple of years, I have learnt of ways to deal with these emotions better, and let them go. By doing this, I can now guide myself out of these negative emotions as and when they arise, and move to a more peaceful state.

The most important thing that I have learnt as a part of this journey is that my peace is in my hands alone. No one can take it away from me if I don't allow it. And no one else can bring me peace. It is all within me; it has always been. And it is within all of us, if we are willing to find it.

Failing...and Moving On

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” - H.G. Wells

 

And I did fall down. Quite drastically. I have completely faltered on my goals in the past fortnight. Excuses are pointless, so let's just say that I chose some other activities over these goals in the past two weeks. And though I did accomplish some important things, the fact that I didn't keep up with my commitment to the top three goals I have set for myself makes me uneasy. Therefore, I have decided, that I MUST course correct immediately. Here is an update on my goals, and my plan to get back on track.

 

1. The Course

Status: I am doing the course, but have fallen almost a week behind schedule.

Plan: Focus. Say no to things that are not essential. Sleep early, get up early, get more out of a day.

 

2. The Book

Status: I haven't done much here, again. I did share some chapters with a friend to get initial feedback, and one specific input from her makes a lot of sense, but it will also require me to discard whatever I have done so far, and start from scratch.

Plan: Start over, as a part of NaNoWriMo 2014. Finish the first draft of 50,000 words in November. That means writing 1,667 words every single day of the month. I can do it!

 

3. The Exercise Routine

Status: I followed it only for five days instead of ten

Plan: I've GOT TO find an hour everyday, 5 days a week, and exercise. Quitting is not an option!

 

Now, for the stuff that I did choose to do:

 

1. I made my resume...after almost seven years: Something extremely interesting came up, and I just HAD to do it, despite my resolution of not getting into the “job hunt” mode before this year end

2. I passed the written test for driving in California: In the first attempt (Yay!)

3. I took driving lessons, and practised driving separately as well

4. I passed the behind-the-wheel driving test: Also in the first attempt (Yay! Yay! Yay!!!)

5. I attended a workshop on writing at the local public library: Interesting stuff on re-writing

6. I attended a Diwali party, met some nice people, and look forward to making new friends: yet to make follow up calls, will do that once I get back on track

7. I found my WHY. Or I feel I did. More on this in a separate post.

 

So, this is what has been happening. This post is meant to put things back in perspective for me. Setbacks, I suppose, are a part of anything worthwhile we do in life; more so when trying out new things. I believe, that the important thing is to treat them as just that – a part of something bigger...a part which is essential to complete the whole, but is not the end in itself.

A Diwali Away from Home...in a New Home

For as long as I can remember, I have had a fascination for lights. It's not that I sit staring at the bulbs in my house all day, but the moment I see a cluster of lights, especially at a distance, I can't help but gape, wide-eyed, mesmerized. Whether I am approaching a hill station at night, or am in a plane landing or taking off after dusk, or looking at the pollution-free starry night in one of my getaways from the city, the view of hundreds of shimmering lights invariably casts a spell on me.
 

Perhaps that's why Diwali has always been one of my favourite festivals. The colourful lights that decorate almost every house in sight, the modest diyas with their delicious smell and beauty when lit, the ever growing varieties of crackers with a splendid show of lights – Diwali has always created an atmosphere I can't get enough of. And the times of togetherness with loved ones, accompanied by mouth-watering food and sweets indubitably add to the charm of this festival. 

 

This year, I missed most of this. Since I have just arrived in the US a month ago, I could not go back to celebrate Diwali in my home town like every year, though Google Hangout did help me get a glimpse of the decorations and festivities. This was my second Diwali away from home, in thirty one years. No matter what, I almost always made it home on Diwali. So of course, this Diwali was a little lonely. Consumerism only rubbed salt on my wounds, by making sure that I receive at least one email every day for the past fortnight, asserting, “it is time to go home” or “their Diwali is incomplete without you” or “home feels lonely when you are not around” and so on – I had to unsubscribe from these mails to stop the torture.
 

But, in a way, I guess it had to start somewhere. Now that I am married and might not be able to go home every year on Diwali, my husband and I will have to start celebrating the festival on our own, in “our home.” Yes, the definition of home will slowly change, and while I will still get together with family and friends, for my kids, “going home for Diwali” would mean coming back to wherever my husband and I celebrate Diwali. So, this is a beginning for my husband and me, to start creating Diwali rituals of our own, with love, fondness, togetherness, customs, and of course - food.
 

Therefore, for this first Diwali in our home, I thanked God, and told Him how grateful I was for everything in my life. Then, I lit some diyas, and gaped at them. And then we burned some light crackers. For dinner, I made some poori-sabzi, which my husband loves.
 

As I stood there looking at the diyas, holding my husband's arm, I thought...may be, some day, my kids will become as fond of this festival as I am, and would want to come back home for every Diwali with the same eagerness.

Conquer Your Impossibilities

First of all, a quick update on my goals:

 

1. I have joined the Live Your Legend course and am in the second week. It is going pretty well, as per my expectations

2. I have resumed the work on my book, but am yet to pick up steam. Will have to focus and invest more time on this goal

3. The exercise routine has begun, and has gone well so far. Have not missed a day in the last two weeks (Yay!)

 

Now, among other things, I am currently reading the book “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I like it so far, and feel eager to get back to the book whenever possible. One thing that really caught my attention in the book was an example of experimenting with oneself, a topic that has popped up again and again in my readings lately, and which seems to have the potential to change one's life.

 

So Elizabeth Gilbert, or Liz (as she calls herself in the book,) who is looking for peace and God in an ashram in India, is facing immense difficulty in trying to concentrate during meditation. She finds it impossible to still her mind, and gets extremely frustrated. Which is when someone tells her about Vipassana – an ancient meditation technique which requires  serious work and discipline from its students. An introductory Vipassana meditation class lasts for ten days, and the students are expected to sit still in silence for ten hours a day, in stretches of two to three hours at a time. It is gruelling, of course, but the point of this meditation is that if you can still yourself for long enough, you will realize that all discomfort – an inevitable part of life – eventually goes away.

 

This motivates Liz, to try and sit still for just "one hour of her long life," and meditate. However, she sits down to do this only to realize that she has chosen dusk to meditate in a garden in India, which means that mosquitoes are going to eat her alive. The thought of putting this off for a better time enters her mind, to be immediately quelled by another thought – that there never seems to be a good time to meditate for her. There are constant distractions in everyday life, so this time is as good as any other. Therefore, as an experiment, she decides to sit through the pain and itch of mosquito bites for an hour. She wants to see if she can endure this. Eventually, she ends up sitting there for about two hours, absolutely thrilled with this newly acquired self-knowledge – that she could do something she had not imagined possible in thirty two years of her life. It is a small feat, but it brings about a whole new understanding of who she is...who she can be. "What will I be able to do tomorrow that I can not do today?" - she wonders.

 

Which brings me to Scott Dinsmore of Live Your Legend, who asserts that everything was impossible till somebody did it. We tend to limit ourselves by our thoughts. We are perhaps constrained by ideas that have been drilled into our minds since childhood. Many-a-time these ideas – which did not even originate from us – stop us from realizing our full potential. Scott believes, that through experiments, we can break this chain. Through experiments, we can test the limits we live with, and push them away. Through experiments, we can get to know ourselves better. Through experiments, we can generate possibilities.

 

For those of you who are excited by this idea, here is a suggestion: think of something that you consider to be your own impossibility today. It could be anything – getting up early in the morning (big one for me), losing a few kilograms of weight, running for one kilometre – anything that you think is impossible for you to do. Now imagine, what if you proved yourself wrong? What if you could beat this impossibility to pulp, and stand on top of it, exhilarated. Would it inspire you to do something else that you consider impossible? Would you be amazed at your own capabilities? Try it, if your want. Experiment.

 

I have been experimenting with becoming an early riser. I have improved, but haven't reached where I want to be. Anyone who knows me personally, knows that it used to be IMPOSSIBLE for me to get up early in the morning. Here is a photo defining me in my college days, just to give you an idea.

And here I am, talking about, and trying to overcome this impossibility, through my experiments with myself. As my husband says, for me to even talk about voluntarily waking up at 5 AM, is to have overcome a psychological impossibility. Well, one thing I know for sure. If I can do this...there is little else I can't do.

Live Your Legend!

It was a Friday morning in January 2014, and I was almost at the end of my Christmas-New Year long vacation. I had to join work on Monday, and a Monday after a long vacation did not seem like the best thing in the world. Now, it wasn't that I hated my job. On the contrary, I rather liked it. But over the previous few months, deep down, I had started to realize that this was not what I wanted to do all my life. Not that I knew exactly what I wanted to do...I still don't. But I was getting a little bored with the corporate sector, and had stopped waking up excited to go to work every day. And so, on that Friday morning, when I stumbled upon this Ted talk on How to find and do work you love by Scott Dinsmore, I was thrilled.
 

The mere fact that there is an organization that aims at helping people quit jobs they don't like and start making a living doing things that matter to them just blew my mind. It was a phenomenal idea. I immediately visited the website of Live Your Legend (LYL), and subscribed to their emails. Over the last nine months, I have read most of Scott's posts on the website, and have also come across several other inspiring people and the work that they are doing. It is really, really impressive. And the more I read Scott's posts, the more convinced I became that this was the right place for me, to begin a journey of self-exploration, that might help me find what I was looking for from life. And if there were any doubts at all, they would not stand a chance when faced with the confidence with which LYL approaches this whole process of finding and doing work you love. Sample this: they have a course called “Live Off Your Passion” - which is designed to help you find your passion and start making money through it in a nine to ten weeks time frame, provided you are willing to put in the required hard work. And if you are not satisfied with the course, they will refund all your money (including the credit card processing fee) – no questions asked. On top of that, they will offer you a free personal coaching session to help you get back on track. Now that, according to me, is a proposition hard to say no to. There is absolutely nothing to lose, and I leave the possible gains to your imagination. And no, I am not getting any commission from Live Your Legend to write this post. I am doing this of my own accord, because I am absolutely sure that there is value here, which is why I have recently joined this course myself.
 

This is the first week and I am extremely excited about this. I already feel I might not have to ask for my money back. This is also a part of the three goals I have set for myself for the next three months. So, partial check on the first goal. I believe, that I am on my way, to live my legend!

The Pledge

Okay, so I have reached the other side of goodbye, and this is my first post from there. As anticipated, it is quite amazing out here in California, and though I miss India, I know I am going to have a blast here. It has been about two weeks since we moved, and we have already settled down quite a bit (the complete set up may take some more time, but the basic stuff is done.) We've got a nice apartment, the kitchen is all set, essential furniture has also been bought and assembled, we've got bikes for some mobility, have applied for SSN, and opened bank accounts. My husband has joined work and I am in the process of applying for my work permit. And we have started preparing for the driving license test. That was a quick update on where things are.

 

Now, everyone back home has been asking me how I am finding it here, since this is my first time in the US. Well, after having spent thirty one years in India, US is definitely a new world altogether. From assembling our own furniture to cooking and cleaning on our own instead of happily letting the maids take care of everything, lots of things have changed. Though the various equipments do make household chores more convenient, we are yet to get used to doing everything ourselves. And while I am enjoying learning new ways and eating food that I cook as of now, let's see how long that lasts. But that's not the only thing I have to get used to. The eerie quietness that surrounds me all day long gets to me sometimes, after the constant sound of life I was accustomed to in India. I suppose I will really start to like the silence in a few weeks, but as of now I whole heartedly welcome the sound of the Caltrain that passes by through one of the nearby tracks every few hours. Another thing that takes me totally by surprise even after two weeks here is when cars seem to stop miles away upon seeing me cross a road, unlike in India where at most places one has to brace oneself and bravely walk right in to the chaotic traffic. There are more cars than people to be seen on the roads here, and I almost squealed with delight when I saw a crowd at a farmer's market. My husband, who has been to the US several times in the past, seems to be quite amused by how I am adapting to this new life. It is all a lot of fun, and I am enjoying every bit of it. 

 

So that's the story so far. Now, I offer you a glimpse of what lies ahead. In an earlier post, I had talked about how my life was all set for a massive change. Well, the process has begun. As I wait for my work permit and my husband gets busy with his work, I will have ample time to do the things I have been longing to do for years. And if things go as per my plan, the work permit should only enable me to get paid for the things that I love doing. The next few months will be focused on finding some answers. And to ensure that I have some accountability, I would like to announce what I intend to accomplish in the next three months.

 

My Goals for the Next Three Months:

 

1. To take up and complete a course from Live Your Legend (more on this in a separate post)

2. To complete the first draft of a book I have been working on

3. To resume a regular habit of exercising – a combination of Zumba, walking, running, biking – one hour every day, 5 days a week

 

I have some smaller goals too, which I will talk about if the need arises. But for now, I take the pledge to stay true to the ones listed above. Wish me luck...I will need it on this new journey that I begin today!

The Other Side of Goodbye

I pack my bags as the sun sets, it’s time for another goodbye,

Time to leave the city that was home, I guess it’s okay if I cry.

‘It’s a choice I’ve made’ - I tell myself, I must move on to grow,

It’s a beautiful place where I’m going, I will finally see it snow!

So, while I’m sad to be leaving, 

It’s also a wonderful feeling, 

Waiting for the other side of goodbye… 

Waiting for the other side of goodbye. 

All my life, there’ve been times, when I had to say goodbye, 

Childhood, school, and college days, now youth seems passing by. 

One by one, lost touch with friends, and places I had loved, 

Though it’s hard, with each goodbye, one thing I’ve discovered, 

No matter what I leave behind, 

Irrespective of the ties that bind, 

There’s always the other side of goodbye, 

There’s always the other side of goodbye. 

On the other side, I’ve found new friends, and new places to love, 

New memories, new hopes and dreams, I’ve fit like hand in glove. 

A goodbye is the end to something, but also a new beginning, 

I leave something behind and move on, to play another inning. 

And so, I’ve come to rely, 

It’s something I can’t deny, 

There’s always the other side of goodbye, 

There’s always the other side of goodbye. 

Life will go on, goodbye after goodbye, like it’s done so far, 

Until the day it has to end, like all our lives are. 

That’ll be a final goodbye, to all hopes and joys and dreams, 

There’s much to do and so little time, life’s shorter than it seems. 

The time will quickly fly, 

And who knows what’ll lie, 

On the other side of that goodbye... 

On the other side of that goodbye. 

So putting aside the smaller goodbyes, I should think of the final one, 

What legacy would remain of me, when all is said and done. 

I must find out what I want to achieve, what brings true joy to my soul, 

So that I can have a fulfilling life, by pursuing that goal. 

And when it’s time to go, 

I hope to feel joy, not sorrow, 

In getting to the other side of goodbye, 

In getting to the other side of goodbye.

Teej Compliance

Teej, as some of you would know, is a festival celebrated in various parts of India. The customs and rituals vary from state to state, but essentially, it is observed by married women for the wellness of their husband, and also by unmarried girls in the hope of finding a worthy husband in the future.

I, however, have always remembered festivals like Teej and Karvachauth as days on which married women in my family would observe a “nirajal vrat” - a fast without having even a drop of water or a grain of food for the entire day. As a child, I was always amazed to see them achieve this feat year after year, rather cheerfully. Unmarried girls in my family were not expected to fast in order to secure a good husband for the future, and I was immensely grateful for that. But I used to dread the day when I would grow up and get married and be expected to fast for my husband. I was fairly sure I won’t survive my first Teej. Which is why my first Teej last year became quite a memorable experience for me.

As it turned out, despite not observing the fast when I was unmarried, I am blessed with not just a “good” husband, but one who tends to weigh all social conformance on the balance of logic. And someone’s well being depending on someone else fasting is something that absolutely makes no sense to him (like Paresh Rawal said to his daughter in Oh My God! - this concept is like your mother putting her phone up for charge, and MY phone’s battery getting charged instead.) And not just my husband, my in-laws also are fairly unconventional, and no one expected me to fast on my first Teej. (Yay!) All my mother-in-law wanted me to do on that day was - a) wear new clothes; b) pray to Lord Shiva; c) Avoid eating meat (and prevent her son also from eating it.)

Needless to say, I was delighted with these minimal expectations, but my husband - Siddharth, was quite upset having being told that he should not eat meat on that day (not because he needs meat every day, but because this condition again weighed heavily on the illogical side of things.) He did comply eventually, but was visibly annoyed. Anyway.

So in the evening on the day of my first Teej, I promptly wore a new sari, and got ready to pray to Lord Shiva. Which is when I realized that we did not have a single idol or photo of any of the 33 crore Indian gods anywhere in the house. (I think of myself as being more God-loving than God-fearing, and am not much into idol/photo worshipping, though I do believe in God, and Siddharth, predictably, is a non-believer, given the disbalance the belief in such an entity would cause in his weighing scale of logic) Hence the absence of any specific idols for prayer.

“What should we do?” I asked Siddharth.

“Whatever you want. This is between my mother and you. I am not a part of this!” - he was still sulking, obviously.

“Oh, come on! I am doing this for your well-being, remember?”

He looked at me with raised eyebrows, which was enough to signal that this line of reasoning would not fetch me any useful results.

“Please help! This sari is starting to get uncomfortable!” I immediately changed my tone as well as my argument.

This happened to work. He sighed and agreed to help me out. In a short while, he had found and printed a photo of Lord Shiva from the internet, which I duly pasted on the wall of a wooden cupboard built by our landlord as the pooja ghar - a place for prayer.

Dressed up in a nice pink sari, with Lord Shiva in front of my eyes, I was all set to pray. I closed my eyes, folded my hands, and bowed my head in front of the photo. I thought of singing a bhajan or an aarti praising Lord Shiva, and racked my brain to remember even two lines. But the only things that came back to me were images of Rajesh Khanna and Mumtaz dancing on Jai Jai Shiv Shankarrrrr! And there I stood, with folded hands and bowed head, laughing away to glory.

Siddharth, who had been waiting for my prayers to get over so that we could have dinner, looked at me with expressions of utter disbelief on his face, shook his head, and went away. I quickly moved on with praying, without singing, of course, and finished with my usual prayer of thanking God for everything.

I had bought some laddoos from Dadu’s to pacify Siddharth, and that is one thing that never fails to cheer him up. So after the prayers, we had a vegetarian dinner followed by the mouth watering laddoos, post which Siddharth clicked a photo of us (as you can see, he refused to even dress in traditional clothes as a part of his rebellion), and sent it to our families. The subject said - Teej Compliance.
 

All smiles after eating laddoos

 And that was the story of my first Teej.

Finding Answers

“To all your problems, you are the only solution. To all your questions, you are the only answer.” - Anonymous

It is interesting how life never seems to really stabilize. After everything that you were hoping will provide stability to your life has been achieved, after a while, you are left wondering – okay, what next? I have been truly amazed with my latest experience in this regard.

The last four years of my life have revolved around one single theme – getting married. It had seemed like THE most important decision in life, with no room for error. And rightly so (ONE of the most important, in any case.) Therefore, it was a stressful experience to search for 'a suitable boy.' In those years filled with enormous fears of never meeting the right person to spend my life with, it had seemed that if I get this right, the rest of my life will more or less fall into place. So, when I did meet the right person, I was elated. It was like having found the Ultimate Answer (and the Ultimate Question) in one single package.

Unfortunately, that ecstasy lasted only for a few months. Not because I was not enjoying married life (which I still find quite wonderful,) but because with this major milestone behind it, my brain soon started bombarding me with a million other questions.

'Okay, so you have started a happy married life. But, what next? What is the purpose of your life? What are you doing with your life? Aren't you wasting your time doing something else when you want to do something entirely different? Whatever happened to your dreams? When was the last time you wrote something? When exactly do you plan to do something meaningful with your life, a topic you have been talking about forever? How will you feel about this life you are leading when you turn eighty? And by the way, do you think you will live to celebrate your eightieth birthday given your current lifestyle?'

These, and many other such questions started bothering me a few months after I got married. To find some solace, I started reading up on these subjects, and realized that there are many, many people out there who have had similar questions about their lives. The only difference is, quite a few of them have been taking action, and as a result, finding answers. And I would really like to become one such person.

Fortunately, at this point, the setting in my life is ideal for a massive change. I have a clear choice, that has been handed over to me on a platter. I am moving to a new country, and will have three months of purely guilt free time to do whatever I want, because it will take me that long to get a work permit. What I do in those three months, can change my life. I have some ideas, which I will talk about in subsequent posts. But the point of this post is that right in front of me lies a concrete opportunity to change my life, and I have absolutely no excuses of not having enough time, not knowing what to do, or anything else for that matter. The only question for which I need to find the answer right now is, am I brave enough to boldly go where I have not gone before?              

Of Friendships Lost and Found

When I was in the later years of school, “Friendship Day” was akin to a festival in my life. To not wish my friends on this day was unthinkable. If a friend forgot to wish me, it was unforgivable. I still remember spending hours looking through the shelves of the Archies Gallery in Baldev Plaza, searching for that perfect card, one which will give words to the sea of emotions I felt within me - the immense love and gratitude I felt for having the most amazing friends in the world. The only people who understood me, the only ones with whom I could discuss anything under the sun...I would spend hours on phone talking to them, much to the consternation of my family. And no matter how much my mother signalled for me to cut the conversation short (fearing the rising telephone bill, cost inevitably being a major concern in our middle-class family), I would continue, often falsely signalling back that it was the other person who had called me, and we were not being charged for the call. I had cherished those friendships and those people like nothing else in my life, and had always known that we will be best friends forever.

Which is why when some of those friendships didn’t last, it took me a long time to recover from the shock. May be it was my fault, may be it was theirs, or maybe the circumstances became too tough for our friendship to stand the test. Whatever be the reasons, the fact is that I lost touch with some of those friends over time, with which, the concept of “best friends forever” lost all meaning for me. Despite my initial disbelief, I eventually realized that like everything else in life, friendships also are ephemeral.

But just as we do not stop living life because we know it will end one day, it would be silly to stop making friends just because some of those friendships might not last forever. The friendships that didn’t last in my life, were enriching experiences nevertheless. They had a major role to play in making me the person that I have become today (and I really like this person, despite her imperfections.) If I had not learnt a thousand lessons during those friendships, and even after they ended, my life could have been very different. And in any case...it wouldn’t have been worth it to deprive myself of the joys of friendships, for as long as they lasted.

So, as school days gave way to college days and professional life, I made new friends. Contrary to the popular belief that one can’t find true friendships at the workplace, I have found some really dear friends in office. I also rediscovered some old friends, and renewed my friendships with them. Though the problems and challenges to be tackled kept changing with each stage of life, I was always fortunate enough to have some wonderful friends around me, to help me study during exams; to give me a pep talk and cheer me up at the time of heartbreaks; to tell me how my sorrow was nothing as compared to theirs, thus making me look at the brighter side of things in life; and as we collectively approached our thirties, to endlessly discuss the burning topic of marriage and how our parents and relatives seemed unable to understand us in this regard. Through all these years, though “Friendship Day” did not continue to be as big a festival in my life as it had been earlier, it did serve as a day to be grateful for my friends.

With the latest development of getting married slightly over a year ago, the time I spend with my friends has been on a decline. I no longer have frequent long conversations with them. We talk once in a while instead of the hourly long calls every other day, have quick “How are you doing?” chats on Whatsapp instead of spending the entire day on GTalk, send “Happy Birthday!” messages in the day instead of calling each other at 12 AM, and get to know a lot of stuff about each other from Facebook instead of “Hey, I have to tell you something!” phone calls.

There could be several reasons for this. Like me, most of my friends have either gotten married recently, or are likely to do so in the next few years. There is a definite shift in priorities after marriage - I know this from experience now. It has happened with me, and I am sure it would have happened with others too. So yes, my friends and I have been spending a little less time together now. But that does not mean that the importance of friends or friendship has decreased in my life. I still think about all my friends often, and would like to get better at keeping in touch.

I think all friendships evolve over time, and will undergo change. And though I don't anymore promise anyone that we will be best friends forever, I would like all my friends to know that I love them all, and I am there for them even if we have not spoken much lately. I wish you all a very Happy Friendship Day!