The WHY

Ever since I saw this Ted talk by Simon Sinek on the power of why, I have been pondering over these questions: What is it that drives me? Why do I do what I do? What is the force that has made me live my life the way I have lived it so far? In short, what is my WHY?

I gave this a lot of thought, but did not reach a satisfactory conclusion. It agonized me to realize that after spending so much time introspecting, I was unable to answer such a basic question about myself. Initially, I thought that I was driven by a need for people to like me, but soon realized that this couldn't be my why. It's a part of my nature, perhaps like many of us, but not the driving force for all that I have done in my life. If it was, it would have been difficult for me to rebel in ways that I have done. It would have been impossible for me to make some tough decisions that I have made, knowing fully well that some people will hate me for them. So then, what was behind those decisions?

During a discussion with a friend, an interesting way to look at this came up. She asked me what I valued the most in life. No matter the time or place or stage in life, what was the one thing that I was looking for? And to this, I had an answer. Without a shadow of doubt, I knew that I have always valued peace more than anything else. By peace, I mean the mental state which is free of negativity, and brimming with positive emotions. There were different means through which I tried to attain it at different points in time, but a constant state of peace is what I have sought all my life. “So then,” she said, “may be that's your why.”

This thought has kept echoing in my mind since then. I still feel that the discovery is not complete yet, and greater clarity will come with time, but this is a start. Peace is definitely something that my quest in life has been about. For the most part, I have struggled with the lack of it. Resentment, unhappiness, jealousy, suffocation, anger, loss, fear, doubt, anxiety – I have experienced all the emotions that can drive peace away. And I still do. But in the last couple of years, I have learnt of ways to deal with these emotions better, and let them go. By doing this, I can now guide myself out of these negative emotions as and when they arise, and move to a more peaceful state.

The most important thing that I have learnt as a part of this journey is that my peace is in my hands alone. No one can take it away from me if I don't allow it. And no one else can bring me peace. It is all within me; it has always been. And it is within all of us, if we are willing to find it.