Of Friendships Lost and Found

When I was in the later years of school, “Friendship Day” was akin to a festival in my life. To not wish my friends on this day was unthinkable. If a friend forgot to wish me, it was unforgivable. I still remember spending hours looking through the shelves of the Archies Gallery in Baldev Plaza, searching for that perfect card, one which will give words to the sea of emotions I felt within me - the immense love and gratitude I felt for having the most amazing friends in the world. The only people who understood me, the only ones with whom I could discuss anything under the sun...I would spend hours on phone talking to them, much to the consternation of my family. And no matter how much my mother signalled for me to cut the conversation short (fearing the rising telephone bill, cost inevitably being a major concern in our middle-class family), I would continue, often falsely signalling back that it was the other person who had called me, and we were not being charged for the call. I had cherished those friendships and those people like nothing else in my life, and had always known that we will be best friends forever.

Which is why when some of those friendships didn’t last, it took me a long time to recover from the shock. May be it was my fault, may be it was theirs, or maybe the circumstances became too tough for our friendship to stand the test. Whatever be the reasons, the fact is that I lost touch with some of those friends over time, with which, the concept of “best friends forever” lost all meaning for me. Despite my initial disbelief, I eventually realized that like everything else in life, friendships also are ephemeral.

But just as we do not stop living life because we know it will end one day, it would be silly to stop making friends just because some of those friendships might not last forever. The friendships that didn’t last in my life, were enriching experiences nevertheless. They had a major role to play in making me the person that I have become today (and I really like this person, despite her imperfections.) If I had not learnt a thousand lessons during those friendships, and even after they ended, my life could have been very different. And in any case...it wouldn’t have been worth it to deprive myself of the joys of friendships, for as long as they lasted.

So, as school days gave way to college days and professional life, I made new friends. Contrary to the popular belief that one can’t find true friendships at the workplace, I have found some really dear friends in office. I also rediscovered some old friends, and renewed my friendships with them. Though the problems and challenges to be tackled kept changing with each stage of life, I was always fortunate enough to have some wonderful friends around me, to help me study during exams; to give me a pep talk and cheer me up at the time of heartbreaks; to tell me how my sorrow was nothing as compared to theirs, thus making me look at the brighter side of things in life; and as we collectively approached our thirties, to endlessly discuss the burning topic of marriage and how our parents and relatives seemed unable to understand us in this regard. Through all these years, though “Friendship Day” did not continue to be as big a festival in my life as it had been earlier, it did serve as a day to be grateful for my friends.

With the latest development of getting married slightly over a year ago, the time I spend with my friends has been on a decline. I no longer have frequent long conversations with them. We talk once in a while instead of the hourly long calls every other day, have quick “How are you doing?” chats on Whatsapp instead of spending the entire day on GTalk, send “Happy Birthday!” messages in the day instead of calling each other at 12 AM, and get to know a lot of stuff about each other from Facebook instead of “Hey, I have to tell you something!” phone calls.

There could be several reasons for this. Like me, most of my friends have either gotten married recently, or are likely to do so in the next few years. There is a definite shift in priorities after marriage - I know this from experience now. It has happened with me, and I am sure it would have happened with others too. So yes, my friends and I have been spending a little less time together now. But that does not mean that the importance of friends or friendship has decreased in my life. I still think about all my friends often, and would like to get better at keeping in touch.

I think all friendships evolve over time, and will undergo change. And though I don't anymore promise anyone that we will be best friends forever, I would like all my friends to know that I love them all, and I am there for them even if we have not spoken much lately. I wish you all a very Happy Friendship Day!