How to be Happy

For the last couple of years of my life, I have been fascinated by the topic of happiness. What is happiness? How does one find it? Everyone wants to be happy, right? Then why do so many of us struggle with being happy? How difficult can it be? Can we do anything to make ourselves, and in turn the world - a happier place?

There is no standard definition of happiness that fits the whole of humanity, and I don’t want to get into that right now. Chances are, you know when you are happy. What I want to talk about today is the fact that research on happiness indicates that 50% of our happiness is genetically pre-determined, 10% is due to life-circumstances, and 40% is in our control.

Now, there are various ways in which one can interpret this data:

1. A half of my happiness is dependent on my genes? I knew I was right in blaming my parents all along! - Can be one way.
2. Only 10% depends on my life circumstances? Well - obviously the people studied didn't have a spouse like mine, or kids who are real brats, or arguably the worst boss on earth! Because if I was a part of that study, the numbers would have looked like 50% genetic and 100% circumstantial! - Is another way to look at it.
3. 40% of my happiness is in my control? That’s huge! But how?- Is another way to look at these statistics.

I happen to be a perennial optimist (perhaps credit is due to my parents for a positive genetic disposition) - and so, I choose to look at these numbers as an opportunity - a massive opportunity to realize the magnitude of control I do have over my life and my happiness. So, I am more interested in finding ways to see how I can alter the 40% in my control to live a happier life.

Through my readings on the subject, I have arrived at five factors that contribute to one’s happiness in one's life.

1. Gratitude: This is something that I have tried and tested, and it shows almost immediate results. When I first started practising gratitude three years ago, I was surprised at how much I was taking for granted. The mere act of focusing and being grateful for what you have instead of what is not working can lift your spirits and put you in a better mood. Three years ago, I started keeping a gratitude journal - and wrote three things that I was grateful for every night. And now, being grateful has become a way of living for me. I still crib and complain occasionally, but am instantly aware of what I am doing, and replace those negative emotions with positive ones. Try it - I assure you that you will not regret it.

2. Social Connections: I have always been more of an introvert, though I cannot deny the fact that the reason I have lived a mostly happy life is because I have always had a closely knit, loving family, and at least one or two close friends - with whom I could share everything about my life. Without them, I would have been in a completely different boat. We all have people who love us and whom we love in our lives. Cherishing those people and those relationships is a sure shot way of ensuring happiness.

3. Mindfulness: This is extremely interesting. When I was first looking for a job, I used to think - Oh! If only I could get a well-paying job, I would be happy. And then I got a job. And then I used to think that if only I could get that promotion - I would be happy. And then I got the promotion. And then again, I thought - Oh! If only I could find a wonderful life partner, I would be happy. And I found him as well. Did I become happy? I did - momentarily. The thing is, every time I achieved a major milestone I thought would make me happy, my brain set new goals for me to achieve. And I kept pursuing them. And again. And again. And again. Until last year - when I realized that I will never be happy if I tie my happiness to a goal that I need to achieve. Happiness is not a destination that you reach. Happiness is a state of mind - it is the combined effect of hundreds of choices you make every single day. Happiness will not come after you have done something. Happiness is NOW. And mindfulness is being aware of every moment - living in the present and enjoying it.

 

4. Physical Activity: “Health is wealth” - we have all heard this from people wiser than us. And if you are anything like me, you would have duly ignored it (at least until some time back I did.) But the fact is that regular exercise, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep are all factors that contribute to one’s well-being and happiness.

5. Higher Meaning & Purpose: There is a wonderful book I read about a year ago - it is called How Will You Measure Your Life. The idea of the book was to look at life with a “big picture” perspective - to think of things that are truly important to us, and then live our lives by design, doing things that matter, rather than by default. When we live a life that we find meaningful, and contribute towards purposes bigger than ourselves, we become happier.

Essentially, a large part of our lives is a result of the choices that we make. And like everything else, happiness also is a matter of choice. Well, at least 40% of it is. So, I invite you to choose wisely, and live happily.