Story of the Blue Folder

“I pulled out box after box, setting them haphazardly around the room. My organization lacked something -- like, say, organization ...” - Richelle Mead

It was July 2014, and my husband and I were supposed to apply for our visas to move to the US from India. There was a form to be filled online, and my husband had been reminding me to complete it, for over a week. I, of course, had been postponing it for the last minute, as is my nature. The problem was that the last minute came all of a sudden.

“Have you filled the form? We need to submit it!” My husband asked me.

“Err...no, not yet. We still have some time, right?”

“Let’s see, today is Thursday, we are traveling tomorrow, and we need to submit it by Monday.”

“Great, so we have the weekend? I will finish it then!”

“We will be traveling...are you sure?” He looked at me with narrowed eyes.

“Oh, sure! I will carry my laptop, and we will have internet. No problem.”

“Okay. At least go through the form today, and see if you have all the information available with you.”

“Will do.” I assured him.

I did go through the form the same day. It was a looong form, with ten or so sections, but it seemed fairly simple to me. After looking at three-four sections which asked about my personal details, I was confident I had all the information available with me. I saved whatever details I had filled, and closed the website.

Cut to Sunday morning, which was the last day I had to fill the form. We were at my in-laws place, and I decided to finish the task after breakfast.

I sat down in a corner of the living room, switched on my laptop, opened the website, and jumped to the section I was to fill next. It was related to my work experience. That should be easy - I thought.

It was, except that I needed the exact dates when I started and ended employment with various organizations. Now, I kind of remembered the months and years, but exact dates? I needed my relieving letters for that. And of course, I was not carrying them. What was worse, was that my husband had been telling me for the previous one year that I should scan all my certificates and important documents and keep them online for reference. And what do you think I had done with this advice?

Exactly. Nothing.

So, once I realized I could not fill the form without getting back home, I started to freak out. I was extremely scared of breaking the news to my husband, because I knew that if I was in his position, I would have been ready to kill. But I had to tell him. And with great difficulty, I did.

“Hmmm.” He looked at me, calmly. Thankfully, he had been reading some books on spirituality lately, and seemed to have taken the lessons seriously. So he didn’t get angry, much to my relief - and guilt. With me, it is tougher when people don’t get angry - I feel worse about my mistakes then. 

“Okay, that’s fine. We will submit the form on Tuesday instead of Monday.” He paused. “But, do you have the certificates back at home? Or are they with your parents in Gorakhpur?”

I thought carefully. I distinctly remembered that while moving to Hyderabad from Delhi after my wedding one year ago, I had packed my certificates in a blue folder, kept that folder in a carton full of books and stationery, and sent it off to Hyderabad. Owing to my laziness, once again, I had never really gotten around to unpacking that carton completely in Hyderabad in the last one year, but I was fairly sure that the blue folder was sitting in that unpacked carton at home.

“Yes, I am sure. I have it in Hyderabad.” I told him.

I promised myself that the moment I got back on Monday night, I would take that blue folder out of that carton, and only then go to sleep. After all, what if...

Monday arrived, and we flew back to Hyderabad. We got home after 10:30 at night, and though I was too tired, I wanted to just take that folder out so as to sleep peacefully. I walked to that unpacked carton, and started looking for the blue folder. I fumbled through the pile of books, notebooks, files, etc. - and I could find everything else, except for that ONE. BLUE. FOLDER.

I vividly remember that moment, and am unlikely to forget it, ever. For the first time in the last few months, I really started to panic. The blue folder with all my original certificates (for which I had not even made copies) - was missing! I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t have the courage to face my husband, and it was not even about just the visa application anymore. ALL my certificates were in there, and I could not even begin to imagine the consequences of what would happen if I didn’t find that folder. I was nearly in tears, when my husband came to see what was going on.

“It was here! I am telling you, I packed it in this box!” I was ready to howl.

“Okay, okay, calm down! Look again. Take everything out one by one, and keep all of it outside the box.” He said.

“Okay, yeah.” I said, took a few deep breaths, and started the search again. I took everything out - kept the books in one pile, notebooks in another, pens in a different place, and so on. The box was getting empty, with no sign of the blue folder. And then, I found a plastic bag. I opened it, and there it was - my blue folder!

I almost collapsed with relief, hugged the folder, and muttered urgent prayers thanking God. My husband looked at me, smiled, shook his head, and walked away. He didn’t say a word.

But that was the moment, when I decided that enough was enough. I was done with being so disorganized and cluttered in my life. I was done with losing track of things. I was done with putting important stuff off till the last minute. For my own peace of mind, I had to get organized.

Since then, I have scanned all important documents for backup and online availability. I have decluttered my life quite a bit - got rid of things I was not using, stopped buying things till I actually needed them (the fact that we were moving to another country did help a lot), and as the latest development, have even started planning my weeks and days meticulously. I will write more on this topic in future posts, but for now, I would just like to say that this has definitely helped me be more at peace, and now I know exactly where that blue folder is.

My Goals for 2015

No, these are not my new year resolutions. We all know how pointless they turn out to be, and I have given up on far too many new year resolutions to still hang my hopes on them. Therefore, perhaps for the first time in my personal life, I am setting goals that are specific and within my control. I intend to review these on an ongoing basis throughout the year, and revise them as needed. I had shared in an earlier post that I have never been very disciplined when it comes to my personal life, but since the boundaries of my personal and professional life are likely to merge in the coming months, I needed a framework to manage everything well. There are so many great things going on in my life right now, that just going with the flow contradicts the need of the hour.

So, here are my goals for 2015:

1. Write 1000 Words Every Day - It does not matter what I write, but it would be terrific if I can write so many words every day. My mantra here is that “a lot can be achieved by doing a little every day.” Annual target is over 300000 words, because there will be days when I won’t be able to write at all. (It’s 5th of Jan today, and I have only written 865 words so far.)

2. Lose 6 kgs (13 Pounds) of Weight - It may seem like a small target, but this is what I need to lose to reach an ideal weight, and I have been unable to shed any weight in the last one year despite regular exercise. Of course I am doing something wrong, and I will need to fix that. I need to learn more about the subject, work on my diet, as well as continue to exercise. Exercising five days a week has been working fine, and I plan to continue that. I need to include more fruits and vegetables in my diet - that is an important aspect I have been ignoring so far.

3. Start Living Off My Passion - I received my work permit on 1st Jan 2015 - what a wonderful way to begin the new year! So now I can legally earn money in the US. But instead of taking up just about any job, I want to start earning while doing things I love. That’s what my quest has been about in the last three months, and it will be interesting so see how things turn out. I am very excited about the prospect of earning my first dollar, outside of the corporate world.

4. Launch a New Blog, and Post at least 2-3 Times a Week - I have been working on something in the last month or so, and I am very excited about launching it. A bigger challenge would be posting on a regular basis, because that is one area I have been faltering in in the past. But with 1000 words everyday, that should be easy, right?

5. Post at least Once a Week on this Blog - Mostly updates, details about books, ideas, and people that inspire me, and various other thoughts - which is the idea behind Moments of Solitude. Because my other blog will be focused on a specific theme, I will do all the other writing here.

6. Better Planning & Time Management - As shared in my previous post - I really want to get more out of my days, because I am loving all that I am doing these days, and there seems to be not enough time. As a part of this goal, I want to rise early, keep lists, do daily and weekly reviews of my goals, keep a progress tracker, and things like that. Now, to be honest, I am a little wary of this organization zeal that seems to have overpowered me, because I have never been like this. And therefore, if I feel that this stuff is causing me stress, I might tone it down a bit. But for now, I am going all in. More details on the steps I am taking in a separate post.

7. Edit My Book - It has been a month since I finished the first draft, and I have not looked at it even once for two reasons. First, I was exhausted after finishing the novel, and did not feel like going back to it immediately. Second, it always helps me to look at my work after a bit of a gap - it helps me edit better, and I feel less upset as I criticize what I have done. A month was good enough. It is time to get back.

8. Learn About Publishing - Once I finish revising the book, I will need to understand an entirely different subject - the publishing industry. I know very little about it, and though I am not sure if or when there will be any takers for my book, my goal is to learn about the industry, and approach at least ten publishers with a few chapters. That is what I can control. The rest is uncertain.

9. Learn at least One New Word Everyday - A better vocabulary will help me in many ways, and I want to make a conscious effort to learn new words on an ongoing basis.

So this is broadly what I want to achieve in 2015. Like I said, I am a little apprehensive about how this kind of goal setting and discipline will turn out for me, but I will never know without experimenting. And I can always modify these goals as the need be; they will continue to evolve.

That’s it for now. I have just come back from a vacation and am still recovering from the vacation mode; will start work on these with full speed by 6 Jan 2014. Wish me luck...I will need it. 

The Year 2014 - In Retrospect

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you would have noticed some changes around here. I had been thinking about improving the look and feel of my blog for a while now, and finally got around to doing it recently. I am not done yet, and the design may continue to evolve over time, but I like this better than what I had earlier. Do let me know what you think as well. One major change that I did was buying a domain name, so that even if I choose to move to another platform, I can maintain the same website address.

2014 has been one of the most significant years of my life. I have done so many different things, that I have a feeling I will remember this as an year that began a transformation in my life. Here is a list of things I did in 2014 that I am really proud of, and some that I am not.

THINGS I AM PROUD OF

1. Became an Early Riser: This is the biggest change and tops the list because I considered it IMPOSSIBLE for thirty years of my life. I never was a morning person, and my family and friends will still find it difficult to believe that this has changed about me. But it has. Even though I don’t get up at 5 or 6 AM every morning, I now know that I can. And that makes all the difference. I am insanely proud of this, because this opens up a whole new world of possibilities for me.

2. Wrote my First Book: As of now, only the first draft. But I finished it, and that too in 30 days, as a part of NaNoWriMo 2014. I had been planning on doing it for over two years, at least, but was always paralysed by the fear of failure. So this is a big deal for me.

3. Revived my Blog: This blog is and will always remain special to me, and after years of irregular (or zero) writing at all, I posted here with a regular frequency August 2014 onwards. I do hope to keep that up.

4. Celebrated my First Wedding Anniversary: The first year of marriage just flew, and I smiled when I thought of people telling me how difficult being married would be. It was tough at times, for sure, and I am sure there will be ups and downs in the years to come. But I am immensely grateful to be with someone with whom I can discuss everything under the sun. That in itself solves a lot of problems, I suppose.

5. Quit my Corporate Job and Moved to a New Country: This was a big step towards coming out of my comfort zone. I had been working with the same company for over six years, and though I liked the area I worked in, I was getting bored of the corporate world - I wanted more from life. So, when the opportunity came, I was ready to take the plunge. It was scary, for sure. Leaving a well paying job I was so used to for an unknown future in a new country was definitely not easy. But with the support of my husband, I decided to take some time off and figure out what I actually wanted to do. Life is not just about money, after all, is it?

6. Got into a Fitness Regime: 2014 is the first year of my life in which I have exercised regularly, for the most part. I had tried doing this earlier, but I could never sustain it. I have a tendency to get bored with things quickly, and the same was happening with exercising. Being a late riser was not helping the cause. So, along with rising early, I experimented with different forms of exercise. Now, I do a mix of various things I like - thereby reducing the chances of boredom. And it works.

7. Actively Went Out of my Comfort Zone: My biggest nightmare has always been ending up in a group of people where I don’t know anybody. I am terrible at small talk, and it takes time for me to build connection with a person, and it almost never happens in a large group. Ironically, the last couple of months have made me realize that my core skills and strengths lie in the social world - because I “get” people, and can add value to them. And that is what gives me true joy. I needed to get over my inhibitions if I ever hoped to find fulfilment in my career. Therefore, I braced myself, and signed up for various events where I had to spend some time with complete strangers. And guess what - it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t talk to everyone in the group, of course, but spoke to a few people who turned out to be fairly nice. And I listened more, because that’s my strength, as opposed to talking.

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER (Also a hint on 2015 Goals)

1. Actually Rising Early: While I know now that I can get up early, and I did it several times in 2014, I didn’t consistently get up early in 2014. I would like to make a habit out of this in 2015.

2. Better Planning: I have never been much of a planner in my personal life, and think of myself as more of a person who goes with the flow/lives in the moment. And while it has its advantages, sometimes I feel I could do so much more if I just planned a little, and managed my time better.

3. Healthier Eating: I tackled the exercise bit in 2014, and even improved my eating habits to an extent. But there is a lot of scope for improvement.

4. Consistency in Writing: Despite multiple attempts, I failed at working on my novel before Nov 2014. I wrote only when I was so ashamed of my failures, that I committed to writing 50,000 words in 30 days. I did that. And if I could do that, I could have written a lot more, had I been doing it consistently throughout the year. 

Looking at the big picture, 2014 was a great year for me. I believe that it marked the beginning of a different phase in my life, and I really look forward to what lies ahead. I am working on defining my 2015 Goals, and will share them soon.

Thank you for being a part of this amazing year. The encouragement from my readers played a huge part in whatever I have been able to achieve this year, and I am immensely grateful for your support. I hope 2014 was a good year for you as well, and wish you a 2015 full of happiness, love, and laughter.

The Road Ahead

I am very, very, very excited as I write this post. The reason? Well – there are several:

1. I completed the 50,000 words in 30 days as a part of NaNoWriMo 2014. Yes, I did it. I am an official NaNoWriMo 2014 winner! They even gave me a fancy certificate :) . This also means that the first draft of my first book is ready. It is abysmal as of now, to say the least, but it has been completed. And that makes me proud
2. The course has been going well...there are a couple of more weeks to go. I have got some new ideas, and will spend the next few months working on them
3. The exercise routine has been going steady for over a month now. I just missed two days though – but I know I can easily get back in the rhythm, and I like that newly found confidence

So basically, the goals that I had set for myself two months ago, are all near completion, and that is what makes me so happy.

In my previous post, I had shared that as a part of my Live Off Your Passion course, it is time for me to choose a passion, and see if it works as a career option. The choice, for me, was not that tough, and I have decided to give writing a full fledged, whole hearted shot. Writing was a clear winner for two reasons:

1. I have always loved doing it, and left to myself, would have chosen it in any case. The course has helped me identify the kind of writing that I like to do, and my why behind it, and that helps immensely
2. I have anyway been dedicating a lot of my time to writing, lately, with the book and this blog, and it made sense to take it to the next level

Now, to be honest, I don't know how things will work out; I don't know if I will succeed; I still have some doubts about my capabilities. But somehow, I am no longer afraid. The fear of failure has gone out the window in the last two months, because I know that it is I who define my failure. And the way I see it, no failure is final. If I don't do well as a writer, I will do something else. I will find one way or another to work with my strengths, grow as a person, and contribute something to the world. Which is what success to me is, anyway.

So, this post of mine is to announce that I am going to spend the next few months improving my writing, revising my book and attempting publication, and working on a couple of other writing projects. The course also suggests that I can pursue one other interest of mine on the side, along with writing, and for that I have chosen psychology as a way of life, learning more about concepts like empathy, gratitude, happiness, peace, and love. The ideal career for me would entail a combination of these two main interests I have, plus some others, but there is still time before I get there. The journey has just begun.

It is December already, and soon it will be time to reflect on the year gone by, and make plans for the new year. I will continue to share my goals and dreams and progress on this blog – mainly because now I know for sure that this really builds accountability. In the last two months, every time I wanted to give up on my goals – whether it was completing the book or exercising, the only thing that kept me going was my public pledge – to myself and my readers. I didn't want to be someone who did not keep her commitment. And so I pushed myself, and kept going.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement all this while. It often came at times when I really needed it, and meant the world to me. I am truly grateful – thank you!

Finding the One

 

When I decided that it was time for me to get married, I was faced with one small problem. I did not have someone to get married to. So, the path that I had to take was one of arranged marriage, something which is fairly common in India. The process began when I was twenty six years old, and went on for three years. Eventually, I did find someone I was delighted to get married to (and so was he,) but those three years preceding this meeting were not easy. From the beginning, I was extremely clear - to the point of being stubborn - that I would not get married till I found “the one” - someone whom I would love to grow old with. And none of the factors such as my rapidly approaching thirty years of age, or society's one hundred questions to be shot at my parents and me, were going to deter me from keeping my resolve. So I spent three years talking to and meeting men through various websites, newspaper ads, and relatives. Sometimes, I did not feel any of the people I was meeting was “the one” for me, and sometimes they felt the same about me. Despite terrible heartbreaks, loneliness, and suffering, I refused to settle. And finally, the efforts paid off. In retrospect, I know that each person I met in my quest to find my life partner, taught me something about myself, or life, and helped me grow as a person. Every single one of them. And if not for them, I would never have been ready to meet my husband.

 

 

The reason I share this with you today is because it seems that I will have to do the same on the professional front, as per the Live OffYour Passion course. After spending six weeks in the course, I have discovered the various interests of mine that can be looked at as possible career options, and now it is time to choose. The course tells me that the only way I will get to “the one” career that may give me life long joy, is by trying out all of them, one by one. There are guidelines and relatively quick ways to eliminate what does not work early on, but I will have to try them out nevertheless. Just like I had to meet all those men to know what works and what does not. Fortunately, there is one difference. The stakes here are lower. Unlike marriage, the commitment to a career need not be forever, and it may be easier to move on.

 

Interestingly, a few months back, I read something on these lines in a wonderful book called How Will You Measure Your Life. The author of the book insists that one doesn't have to have everything figured out in the beginning of one's career, unlike what many people would have us believe. (This book has three parts – one related to career, second related to personal life, and the third part is about staying out of jail (seriously,) and I highly recommend it to anyone who is looking for some perspective on how to live a meaningful life.) Coming back to the point on career, the author gives his own example while talking about finding fulfilment in one's work. He shares how his original dream of becoming the editor of the Wall Street Journal is still unfulfilled at age sixty, but that has not come in the way of his finding immense fulfilment in his career by experimenting with various professions, and landing up in academics which he absolutely adores.

 

In search for a suitable career (or a suitable life-partner), one may have notions of whether or not something is meant for one, but it is tough to know for sure without actually trying it out. And also, these notions are likely to evolve with time and experience.

 

I know I have notions about what I want to accomplish in life, and I also realize that these notions of mine were very different ten-fifteen years ago. After being unable to get through any of the engineering colleges after school, I was devastated. My life had seemed all set for eternal failure. But today, I can not thank God enough for not letting me get into a field I had absolutely no interest or aptitude for. I was trying to do it only because all my friends were doing it, and that is what the society expected me to do. After this so called failure, I decided to pursue a course and career in Computer Science, only to realize that while I liked it and was good at it, I was not passionate about it. Which is when I decided to study Psychology instead, a subject that had always fascinated me. During the three years of studying Psychology, I realized that I absolutely LOVED the subject, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Studying Human Resource Management seemed like a logical next step, and that's what I did. I enjoyed the course, and the job that I took after that, only to realize after six years of working that I was getting bored. Not bored of the subject as such, but bored of the corporate sector. And so I quit the job. And now, here I am, trying to figure out what I want to do next. I have to pick up one of my passions and understand, as quickly as possible, whether it is something that actually fires me up, or is just an interest that should be pursued on the side. Then, I would have to try the next item on the list.

 

To be honest, it is a little scary, and would require investment of time and energy. But I think that there is no other way to find out. Just as there was no other way to meet my husband than by meeting other people. And therefore, I have decided to follow what Steve Jobs said in this famous talk: “If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.”        

Staring at the Sky

First of all, here's the fortnightly update on my goals:

 

1. The course: Going well, it is turning out to be an amazing experience, and I am learning new things about myself on a regular basis

2. The book: On track – I have completed almost 24000 words already (in 13 days, as a part of NaNoWriMo 2014) – I had not written so many words in years together!

3. The exercise routine – On track – have not missed even a day in the last three weeks, and I am quite proud of this

 

In summary, after a bit of a setback, I have regained momentum, and hope to keep it alive.

 

Now, for today's post, I want to talk about a recent experience, which has had quite an impact on me. As a part of the Live Your Legend course, I was required to go out in the nature, and spend some time alone, with no distractions. Anything from going to a beach to taking a walk in a forest to staring at the sky was allowed. I had to go and stare at a beautiful scene for an hour or so, and keep asking myself what my purpose in life was. And I was not expected to get any answers; it was just a way to clear up some space in my head, so that new thoughts and ideas could emerge in due course.

 

For me, the most easily accessible option was to lie down and stare at the sky. I was extremely excited about this exercise, and was looking forward to it. And then, just as I was planning to go do this, I realized that this meant I would have to do nothing for that one hour. No reading, no writing, no internet, no phone, no watch – nothing. It was as if the implications of doing this had just hit me with full force, and all I could do for a while was freak out. What if I fall asleep? How will I know when the hour is over, if I don't have a watch? What if I need to make an emergency call? What will I do staring at the sky for an hour? I found this whole concept extremely unsettling.

 

Which is when I remembered the numerous articles and blog posts I had read about the art of doing nothing, of just being, of just enjoying time without any distractions. Now, if I had a beach near by, it would have been much easier. I could have spent hours at a stretch looking at the waves, given my fascination for the sea. But staring at the sky? And that too on a clear, cloudless day? Wasn't it going to be too empty to stimulate any thoughts?

 

With some effort, I calmed myself down. I had promised myself to take this course sincerely and honestly. And if it required me to do such a thing, then I had to do it. As simple as that. So I messaged my husband, who was at work, that I was going to stare at the sky for an hour (much to his puzzlement, I imagine) and would not be available on phone. Then, I went out, found a nice place in the sun, and lied down. It took me a while to finalize the angle with which I could see the sky best. A lot of views were interrupted by some trees. I wanted a view of the vastness of the sky, so I adjusted my posture multiple times, eventually finding an ideal way to lie down. And then I just stared.

 

 

 

The vast, clear, blue, beautiful sky stretched above me in all its glory. It actually looked like a sea without waves. And soon enough, I got lost in my thoughts. I wondered what my purpose in life was. I thought about the magnitude of this universe and the insignificance of my little self in it. I saw a couple of aeroplanes flying, and wondered where they were headed. I imagined sitting in one of the aeroplanes, and looking down at the clouds. And several times, I just thought how breathtakingly beautiful the sky looked. And how silly I was being getting scared of this activity. It seemed like the most relaxed, natural way to spend some free time. An hour? I could have done it for much longer.

 

As time passed, various thoughts came and went. I even remember becoming emotional at one point and felt like crying for some reason. And then, a thought floated in my head. I felt it was quite profound. Okay, it was relatively profound, as compared to some silly ones that had been frequenting my mind during this activity. It gradually developed into an idea, and I had this sudden urge to note it down. I was not carrying a note book, of course. So I came back, opened my laptop and typed away. Here is what I wrote:

 

“I believe, that life is beautiful. But like anything else that is beautiful, the beauty of life also lies in the eyes of the beholder. If you choose to see the beauty, you will see it. If you choose to see the imperfections, you will see them too. I choose to see the beauty in life. With all its challenges, sorrows, and problems, it teaches us every moment. If you relish the learning, and decide to grow as a person, you will find peace and contentment. If you prefer to live in a vicious cycle of self-pity and blaming life and others for all your unhappiness, that is what will continue. The choice is yours.”

 

I am new at this staring-at-the-sky activity, but I did like the clarity with which this idea presented itself in my mind, under the sky, while doing nothing. So now, I have decided to experiment a little more with this process, and do this exercise more often. I will spend sometime staring at the sky every other day, and let my thoughts flow – free style. Even if I don't have a Eureka! moment, it will be time well spent in relaxation.

The WHY

Ever since I saw this Ted talk by Simon Sinek on the power of why, I have been pondering over these questions: What is it that drives me? Why do I do what I do? What is the force that has made me live my life the way I have lived it so far? In short, what is my WHY?

I gave this a lot of thought, but did not reach a satisfactory conclusion. It agonized me to realize that after spending so much time introspecting, I was unable to answer such a basic question about myself. Initially, I thought that I was driven by a need for people to like me, but soon realized that this couldn't be my why. It's a part of my nature, perhaps like many of us, but not the driving force for all that I have done in my life. If it was, it would have been difficult for me to rebel in ways that I have done. It would have been impossible for me to make some tough decisions that I have made, knowing fully well that some people will hate me for them. So then, what was behind those decisions?

During a discussion with a friend, an interesting way to look at this came up. She asked me what I valued the most in life. No matter the time or place or stage in life, what was the one thing that I was looking for? And to this, I had an answer. Without a shadow of doubt, I knew that I have always valued peace more than anything else. By peace, I mean the mental state which is free of negativity, and brimming with positive emotions. There were different means through which I tried to attain it at different points in time, but a constant state of peace is what I have sought all my life. “So then,” she said, “may be that's your why.”

This thought has kept echoing in my mind since then. I still feel that the discovery is not complete yet, and greater clarity will come with time, but this is a start. Peace is definitely something that my quest in life has been about. For the most part, I have struggled with the lack of it. Resentment, unhappiness, jealousy, suffocation, anger, loss, fear, doubt, anxiety – I have experienced all the emotions that can drive peace away. And I still do. But in the last couple of years, I have learnt of ways to deal with these emotions better, and let them go. By doing this, I can now guide myself out of these negative emotions as and when they arise, and move to a more peaceful state.

The most important thing that I have learnt as a part of this journey is that my peace is in my hands alone. No one can take it away from me if I don't allow it. And no one else can bring me peace. It is all within me; it has always been. And it is within all of us, if we are willing to find it.