Finding the One

 

When I decided that it was time for me to get married, I was faced with one small problem. I did not have someone to get married to. So, the path that I had to take was one of arranged marriage, something which is fairly common in India. The process began when I was twenty six years old, and went on for three years. Eventually, I did find someone I was delighted to get married to (and so was he,) but those three years preceding this meeting were not easy. From the beginning, I was extremely clear - to the point of being stubborn - that I would not get married till I found “the one” - someone whom I would love to grow old with. And none of the factors such as my rapidly approaching thirty years of age, or society's one hundred questions to be shot at my parents and me, were going to deter me from keeping my resolve. So I spent three years talking to and meeting men through various websites, newspaper ads, and relatives. Sometimes, I did not feel any of the people I was meeting was “the one” for me, and sometimes they felt the same about me. Despite terrible heartbreaks, loneliness, and suffering, I refused to settle. And finally, the efforts paid off. In retrospect, I know that each person I met in my quest to find my life partner, taught me something about myself, or life, and helped me grow as a person. Every single one of them. And if not for them, I would never have been ready to meet my husband.

 

 

The reason I share this with you today is because it seems that I will have to do the same on the professional front, as per the Live OffYour Passion course. After spending six weeks in the course, I have discovered the various interests of mine that can be looked at as possible career options, and now it is time to choose. The course tells me that the only way I will get to “the one” career that may give me life long joy, is by trying out all of them, one by one. There are guidelines and relatively quick ways to eliminate what does not work early on, but I will have to try them out nevertheless. Just like I had to meet all those men to know what works and what does not. Fortunately, there is one difference. The stakes here are lower. Unlike marriage, the commitment to a career need not be forever, and it may be easier to move on.

 

Interestingly, a few months back, I read something on these lines in a wonderful book called How Will You Measure Your Life. The author of the book insists that one doesn't have to have everything figured out in the beginning of one's career, unlike what many people would have us believe. (This book has three parts – one related to career, second related to personal life, and the third part is about staying out of jail (seriously,) and I highly recommend it to anyone who is looking for some perspective on how to live a meaningful life.) Coming back to the point on career, the author gives his own example while talking about finding fulfilment in one's work. He shares how his original dream of becoming the editor of the Wall Street Journal is still unfulfilled at age sixty, but that has not come in the way of his finding immense fulfilment in his career by experimenting with various professions, and landing up in academics which he absolutely adores.

 

In search for a suitable career (or a suitable life-partner), one may have notions of whether or not something is meant for one, but it is tough to know for sure without actually trying it out. And also, these notions are likely to evolve with time and experience.

 

I know I have notions about what I want to accomplish in life, and I also realize that these notions of mine were very different ten-fifteen years ago. After being unable to get through any of the engineering colleges after school, I was devastated. My life had seemed all set for eternal failure. But today, I can not thank God enough for not letting me get into a field I had absolutely no interest or aptitude for. I was trying to do it only because all my friends were doing it, and that is what the society expected me to do. After this so called failure, I decided to pursue a course and career in Computer Science, only to realize that while I liked it and was good at it, I was not passionate about it. Which is when I decided to study Psychology instead, a subject that had always fascinated me. During the three years of studying Psychology, I realized that I absolutely LOVED the subject, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Studying Human Resource Management seemed like a logical next step, and that's what I did. I enjoyed the course, and the job that I took after that, only to realize after six years of working that I was getting bored. Not bored of the subject as such, but bored of the corporate sector. And so I quit the job. And now, here I am, trying to figure out what I want to do next. I have to pick up one of my passions and understand, as quickly as possible, whether it is something that actually fires me up, or is just an interest that should be pursued on the side. Then, I would have to try the next item on the list.

 

To be honest, it is a little scary, and would require investment of time and energy. But I think that there is no other way to find out. Just as there was no other way to meet my husband than by meeting other people. And therefore, I have decided to follow what Steve Jobs said in this famous talk: “If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.”